Boots Sarsaparilla Root Beer

I recently heard an insane story that i have to share. Granted, this story is coming to me third-hand and i know none of the people involved. I heard this story from my wife's best friend Shasta. She relayed this tale to us from her sister, and this whole thing supposedly happened to one of Shasta's sister's friends. So with all that preamble i mean to say i didn't do anything more to verify this story than to hear it from Shasta so i can't cop to its veracity. Still, it's that good of a story that i have to pass it along. 
Shasta's teenaged sister has a friend that is a guy. His name is... (totally not making this up on the spot) Jamtillon, a real name. Anyway, Jamtillon is a somewhat shy kid but he has the hots for this girl in their social circle that sounds like should be named Gwendolyn. So Jamtillon works up the courage to ask her out on a first date. 

NOTE: this is a first date. Adds to the insanity. 

Jamtillon asks Gwendolyn to come with him on the Polar Express. Now, we all live in Mesa, AZ, which is a suburb of Phoenix. In Williams, AZ (the small town where i grew up) the Grand Canyon Railroad operates and serves as the lifeblood of that town by attracting tourists from all around the world and offering them an old-timey train ride up to the southern rim of the Grand Canyon for a real authentic 1800's experience. If i'm being reductionist about it i would say it's essentially turning a 1 hour drive into a 2 hour train ride for a fairly nominal fee. Anyway, to make even more money during the Holiday Season the railroad puts on a short 1+ hour ride just outside of town where they read the story of the Polar Express to all the families and kids, many of which are dressed in holiday pajamas. They have cookies and drink hot chocolate and sing songs and do that kind of stuff until they get to "the North Pole", which is just a cardboard cutout town with a few people standing outside and waving. It's both innocent and charming as well as a total waste of money and a humungous racket (again, that's the pessimistic reductionist in me talking). Anyway, it's a perfectly acceptable date except for one crucial fact. Mesa is a 3+ hour drive away from Williams, meaning they have to drive up, do the train ride, get something to eat and drive back. So you throw in a couple pit stops and bathroom breaks and this date (first date) is at minimum a 9-10 hour endeavor. Right there, this thing is doomed from the start.

Anyway, as the story goes, Jamtillon picks up Gwendolyn and begins the drive up to Williams. He is trying to be noble and avoid embarrassment by holding in his farts the whole drive. When he pulls into the train station in Williams he decides to be a gentleman and offers to get out and open the door for his date. But Jamtillon is a clever dog. He really just wants an opportunity to "blow off some steam" while his date sits in the car. What he doesn't account for is that while he walks around the back of his car to open her door, he blows off a lot more than steam. To be blunt, he drops a load in his pants. Panic washes over Jamtillon. This is a bad, bad start. But he recovers quickly when he tells Gwendolyn, "Let's go into the gift shop and get some pajamas to change into for the train!" Gwendolyn tells him she's fine in the clothes they have and doesn't want any pajamas. The train is leaving soon, so he doesn't have a lot of time to act. "Ok, well I'm going to go get some pajamas. Why don't i just meet you on the train?" He watches Gwendolyn board the train and turns to go into the gift shop. He finds a pair of pajama pants, purchases them and then proceeds to the port-a-potty outside because the bathrooms inside are being renovated. Gwendolyn grows concerned as she hears that the train is leaving soon and sees Jamtillon exit the gift shop and head into a port-a-potty. Jamtillon enters the port-a-potty and removes his pants and underwear, throwing them into the toilet as they are "unredeemable". He then unfolds his pajama pants and discovers... it's a sweatshirt. It's not pajama pants at all. He has bought the wrong thing and cannot get his pants and underwear back out of the port-a-potty. Gwendolyn looks around wildly as the train begins to pull out of the station. She keeps her eyes fixed on the port-a-potty until Jamtillon finally emerges. He is wearing the sweatshirt as pants and looks to the window where their seats are to make eye contact with Gwendolyn. And just then, the train pulls away from the station. When Gwendolyn gets back from the trip to the North Pole, Jamtillon is gone. Clearly, this is the only recourse he has at this point. No voicemail or text, no indication that he was coming back. He just ghosts her. She has to call her family to drive the 3+ hours to come pick her up. 

Now... that is the worst first date i've ever heard of, but given all that happened i think that's the only natural conclusion it could possibly have. But again, going back to the fact that this first date is at minimum 9-10 hours, i could have told you from the start that this was going to be a disaster. Which is what i thought about this root beer prior to drinking it. Boots Sarsaparilla Root Beer is brewed and bottled in Bellville, TX. The Boots Beverage Co. began as Bellville Bottling Works and was purchased by a German immigrant named Ambrose Kristen. His image is displayed on the label of the bottle along with a small snippet of the tale of his journey to Texas. Boots has a variety of flavors, each inspired by members of Ambrose's family. Ambrose earned the honor of having the root beer flavor carry his name. 

Looking at this root beer, it has all the apparent signs of a bad root beer. It's not even really trying to look its best or be enticing to people. The label is colorful and professional with all the hallmarks of several generic root beer brands. The root beer itself is also quite pale. And when i cracked the cap, the aroma i get is faintly medicinal. Not a good track record based on other root beers with similar telltale signs. I took one look at this and pegged it for pure trash. But i gotta tell you... i really was taken back by this root beer. This stuff is truly a solid root beer. It's very sweet and creamy, heavy vanilla flavor, and it's sweetened with cane sugar which gives it a nice finish. It almost tastes like a root beer float. 

My official review is that Boots Sarsaparilla Root Beer gets 8 (eight) IBCs. I really would never have looked at this without tasting it and thought it would be a top contender, and yet, here it stands among the greats of root beer. Truly as shocking to me that this is good as i am that Jamtillon would have the hubris to take a girl on a 10 hour first date. And we all see where that landed him... in a mobile toilet wearing a shirt for pants. So i admire the boldness of Boots to determinately stake their place in the root beer pantheon. This one is surprisingly one of the best root beers i've had in a long time.