Red Rock Root Beer

I'm gonna go on a bit of a rant here, but i gotta say this because it's probably the most important issue our culture is facing right now. 

Literally; in a literal sense or manner: such as
a) in a way that uses the ordinary or primary meaning of a term or expression.
b) used to emphasize the truth and accuracy of a statement or description.
c) with exact equivalence: with the meaning of each individual word given exactly.
d) in a completely accurate way.

This word (literally) has completely captured our cultural vernacular. This word is used everywhere by everyone all the time, and i'm here to say that it has to stop. The criticism against using the word "literally" used to be that it was being used incorrectly, i.e. "i'm so hungry that i could literally eat a horse." Clearly that's hyperbole and someone, regardless of their current stage of hunger, would not be able to consume and digest an entire horse in any reasonable amount of time allotted for a meal. So the correction was to use this word only when describing something in the context with letter b) above, to emphasize a point. But it has become over saturated at this point. Passively listen to any conversation. I mean any conversation. It could be watching a scripted TV show, or listening to a podcast, or overhearing people talking on the street or at the park or in a store. Count how many times one of the people in the conversation uses the word "literally" and you will see what i mean. Everyone is saying it. Everyone, everywhere, all the time (like that movie that came out recently that i didn't see). Your neighbor is saying it, your pastor is saying it, your news anchor is saying it, your child is saying it, you are saying it. Everywhere. All the time. It's crazy how captivated our culture is by this word. I was ruminating on this idea after witnessing my 4 year old niece say the word "literally" (in correct context mind you, i.e. to emphasize a point) probably 3-4 times in one short conversation with her mom. It's gotten out of hand. And i am not immune to this. I am saying this word all the time just like everyone else, but i'd like to stop. 

Here's the thing... people don't like being told what to do (or in this case, what not to do). So coming right out and telling people to stop saying the word "literally" likely won't have any effect. I think the only thing that can be done to draw attention to this issue is to double down. So now, whenever i hear someone say the word "literally" in a conversation i just repeat the word aloud for all to hear. For example, let's say i overhear you talking while standing in a line. I don't know you and i am just near you where i am in earshot of you and vice versa. You: "This cashier is so slow. I have been standing in line for literally (me: "literally") 10 minutes. I could have literally (me: "literally") been back at work by now." On it's face, it's annoying. Some weirdo you don't know chiming in on your conversation to just repeat the word "literally" after you've said it. You probably wouldn't think much of it. Now imagine the same scenario, but now everyone around you says it right after you've said it. You say the word "literally" in a casual conversation and then 10 or more people around you all say "literally" aloud for everyone to hear. It would carry much more weight and draw your attention to the scenario. I know it seems counter intuitive, but i think the only way out of this is through overuse and over saturation to the point where everyone is aware and everyone is sick of hearing this word. Now, that's Phase 1 of this plan. Phase 2 is much harder. You have to stop using the word yourself. Don't get down on yourself when you say "literally" to emphasize a point because it has completely invaded our psyche at this point and it's a natural go to when forming a sentence. We are all saying it which means we are all thinking it, so to correct this behavior we have to correct the way we think about how we speak. Like mentioned above, most of the time we are using this phrase to emphasize that what are saying is in fact true. I have tried replacing that word with something like "genuinely", "truly", or "sincerely". Or honestly, it's simple enough to just remove the word "literally" from whatever sentence you are about to say and your statement would not only be grammatically correct, it would still convey what you're trying to say. So how about it gang? Are we gonna do this?

Ok, rant concluded. Let's talk root beer. I think my friend Alysia sent this to me but i don't remember exactly where i got it. Red Rock Root Beer has been around since 1885 (according to the label) and hails from Atlanta, GA. There isn't much about this company from a simple google search and even the source of all truth has limited info about this company. Sounds like they started out with a ginger ale and were popular during the early turn of the 20th century but fell off almost entirely around the 1950's. Even the label is pretty sparse on the info. Speaking of the label, it's pretty cheap looking. It's just a clear sticker poorly affixed to a clear 12 oz glass bottle. Really no frills with this label. I actually like the little sticker on the neck of the bottle which seems more true to the 1950's style logos of that time. The new label is just so bland that i have nothing else to say about it. 

Cracking the cap released a pleasant enough aroma of caramel which is prominent in the taste. Other than that, it's quite "thin" (as i often describe the taste on these types of root beers) and has a not terrible but not great aftertaste. It is sweet from the cane sugar but ultimately lacks even a basic root beer flavor. It tastes like a soft caramel candy cube that my wife enjoys, yet it is still somehow less satisfying. I don't want to give the impression that this stuff is bad because it's not. But it's also not good. It's very... blah. Maybe why the company went out of business but doesn't explain why it was resuscitated. 

My official review is that Red Rocks Root Beer gets 4 (four) IBCs. It's not that i don't like the way it tastes, it's more that it doesn't really even taste like a root beer. It's just a sugar soda. I have already said more about this than the entire wikipedia entry, just more opinion and frivolous nonsense and less factual information. If you wanted to get this stuff i don't even know where to tell you to look. But i'd truly, sincerely, genuinely say don't bother because there are so many other root beers out there that are better than this. Literally. 

B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer

My family is bad at communicating in general. My wife talks with her mom and sisters at least every other day if not everyday. I will send a text to my brothers and won't hear back until i track them down via a phone call or persistent pestering. On birthdays i will usually try and shoot a quick text to them not expecting to hear back and usually receiving no response. So when it came time for my father to turn 80 years old, which he did yesterday, i decided to put in more effort than just a simple text. I decided to be the good son and organize a little get together at my parents' house in St. George, UT. My brothers all agreed to make the pilgrimage from various locations both near and far to come and celebrate this momentous event in my dad's life. I didn't have a super close relationship with my dad growing up. I was the youngest of 6 kids and always viewed my dad as an uptight task master who didn't have time for me. But like many other people i have talked to at my age i would say my dad is a completely different person now. He's way more laid back and jovial as well as simply being a doddering old man. And frankly, part of what i wanted to do was to just acknowledge that my aging father is running out of birthdays so we should spend some time talking to him and gaining wisdom and insight from the man who raised and supported us. So i wrote out several questions i wanted to ask about his life and growing up. First of all, he told me he doesn't remember anything about his own life before 5th grade. My 10 year old son is currently in 5th grade, so that means by his own admission my dad doesn't remember anything from the first decade of his life. So i pivoted to ask some hard hitting questions about his later life. 

My dad's dad died in the Pacific Theater of WWII when my dad was just 2-3 years old so he has no memory of his biological father. Interestingly enough, my father was drafted into the Vietnam War at the tender age of 29, close in age to when his father enlisted in WWII. At the time he was married to my mother and had my oldest brother as a young baby. I noted how this paralleled with his own father's life and circumstances and asked if my dad ever thought about how he was leaving his young wife and new son to go fight in a war he may never come back from, repeating the cycle he himself endured. His answer to me; "Umm... no." Great. So much for wisdom and insight gained from decades of experience. That being said, we still had a lovely time and i think my father appreciated having all his children and grandchildren together in his house, regardless of the fact that it was to celebrate him. And i was happy it all went well and everyone enjoyed themselves cuz that means that by putting this all together i've cemented my place as the favorite child, which hopefully will pay dividends in the family will. Again, i'm the youngest of 6 so i gotta improve my inheritance however i can. 

I picked out this root beer for this review simply based on the name. B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer is brewed by Oskar Blues Brewery in Longmont, CO. Like many local breweries they mostly deal in brewing beers and lagers but have a small line of craft sodas that they sell as well. I picked up a 6-pack of cans from a Smith's grocery store in West Jordan, UT while visiting my wife's parents a while back. I don't know much else about the brewery or the story of when it started or anything like that. Mostly because i couldn't find it on their website and don't care to look elsewhere on the internet. Some things i am content to remain a mystery to me, like this. And drag queens. I get they have an appeal and i am not negating their talents or passion, but i'm not their target audience. Mostly i think of them the way i think of Olympic curlers. They will grab my attention on first sight because it seems so new and novel. But after a few minutes of watching older men with beer bellies pushing stones and sweeping ice, i usually just end up thinking, "wait... these guys are Olympic athletes? Cuz... they don't look like athletes." And then i lose all interest. Just like drag queens. 

The can is loaded with images of mountain ranges and exhortations to recycle. Along the top of the can near the rim is says, "You can't handle the root!" and along the bottom it says "coloRADo USA". Just some fun little things about it i suppose. Other than that, it has a bland brown and black color scheme and a complete disregard for "one font to rule them all". I grabbed this one partly cuz i am talking about my dad in this post and the name of this is B.Stiff & Sons but also because it's one of the first ones i saw in my fridge. Don't know what the B.Stiff thing is about or why we have to bring his/her sons into this. I think the guy who owns the brewery is named Dale. So i'm missing the connection there, but again, i am too lazy or don't care enough to research it any more because i doubt the answer will be interesting. You know what else isn't all that interesting? The flavor of this root beer. It's a pretty standard root beer, sweetened with can sugar and a basic root beer flavor. It's a little thin and is reminiscent of several generic brands, but the nice thing is that it finishes well and doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth. Outside of that though, i don't know that anything about this root beer makes it stand out, appealing or memorable. Just like drag queens. 

My official review is that B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer gets 5 (five) IBCs. Like so so many other root beers, this one is perfectly average. Another bit of text scrawled along the rim of the can says "Nice Floats!" I wouldn't know because i didn't make or drink a float with this but i would imagine it would taste completely and wholly adequate. I don't remember the cost of this but i imagine it wasn't terribly expensive. Outside of that i don't really see a reason to ever get this stuff again. So congrats to you B.Stiff & Sons, you have achieved the height of mediocrity.