Steaz Organic Sparkling Green Tea Root Beer

Well, this will round out the natural/organic root beer run i made at Whole Foods, and this has to be by far the weirdest one i've encountered. Steaz is a brand or organic beverages from the Healthy Beverage Company of Newton, PA. They make a variety of different drinks in several flavors, all of which contain green tea. I don't know how long they've been around, but thanks to a little research on this site, i do know that the company was started by a couple guys named Eric Schnell and Steve Kessler. These two guys decided to name their drink "Steaz" because they combine "sodas" with "teas". They use a z because they think it looks stylish. I'll give you credit for being somewhat clever, though i don't think you exerted yourselves all that much. However, the name Steaz makes me think of "skeez", as in, "that guy is a total skeez", and that makes me think these guys are kinda shady. Another reason i think that is because they rave excessively about how much good in the world they are doing. I mean, these guys love to toot their own horn about how they donate to causes that benefit Sri Lanka, the Sudan, cancer survivors, paying fair wages to farmers, and reducing the carbon foot print. Sure, you can say they are all noble causes, and i am not disputing that. I am just saying that those who yell the loudest usually have something to hide. Could it be that what they really do all day is sit around in a shack smoking opium and listening to trance music? That seems more likely. You may be asking yourself, "what would ever give you that idea Cosmo?" Just take a look at their website. Seriously, i feel like i'm trapped in a bad Enigma video, or like i'm the first one to arrive at a cult recruitment meeting wondering where everyone else is and why my head suddenly is starting to feel funny.

The 12 oz. clear glass bottles of their "root beer" have a fairly basic, yet high end look to them. There is the brand logo itself printed above a row of overflowing root beer mugs. Although there is a lot of text involved just in writing the name, it doesn't look too busy and isn't off putting. So like i said, it's pretty basic, but it also looks quite professional. Apparently this stuff is pretty popular because they make enough money to sponser a fairly high end website, some decent marketing and packaging, and lots of cash to throw at charities.

As mentioned before, all the drinks made by Steaz contain green tea. That being the case, i don't think they should really call this stuff soda, or even root beer. It's tea. It looks like tea, it tastes like tea, and it even calls itself tea. Does it taste like root beer? Vaguely. And maybe the joke is on me and i just misunderstood, but this stuff isn't root beer. It's tea. Like Santa Cruz Organic, this stuff is also sweetened with organic evaporated cane juice. It also claims to be far better for you than soda. That's because it's parading as something it is not. Tea combined with soda? It's not soda. Not at all. Or maybe i was just confused when i bought it. I was expecting a tea infused soda. But what i got was a "root beer" flavored tea. And on that matter, let me just say that people have combined tea with other flavors to create raspberry tea, cinnimon tea, and even peppermint tea, which are all acceptable. But i have a suggestion for the tea industry in general; don't combine your tea with root beer. Just don't do it.

My official review is that Steaz Green Tea Root Beer gets 2 (two) IBCs. It's not that this stuff is terrible tasting. It's that it's not a root beer. And i don't particualy like tea, so that already counts me out. There is also a note on the bottle about natual settling that may occur for this drink. I found as i drank down to the bottom of the bottle, it becomes more and more tea flavored. Also, the colder it is, the better tasting it is (if any of you are still interested). They claim it's good for you, but i won't be buying it again, and i suggest you get yourself a real root beer also.

Santa Cruz Organic Root Beer

You must be getting tired of these natural root beers, but i only have a couple more to review. This one is called Santa Cruz Organic Root Beer. Santa Cruz Natural is a company dedicated to making several products, from fruit juices to peanut butter, using organic sources. The company is based in Chico, CA and has been around since the early 1970s. In addition to making products from all natural sources, Santa Cruz Organic is a big proponent of the green movement. I think up until now i have made myself fairly clear about my stance on hippies, but i rarely (if ever) mention anything about the green movement, which was started primarily by hippies (or more-so, the children of hippies). This might offend people, but i think we can all agree my influence in the root beer circles excuses my opinions that some may find offensive. Anyway, let's start this with a question. "Hey Cosmo, how do you feel about the green movement?" Well, i'll tell you. The green movement is a marketing scheme. The word "green" to me is synonymous with "expensive". Have you noticed that "green" products are usually more expensive than their "non-green" competitive counterparts? I thought going green was supposed to save money. Why does saving the Earth have to be so expensive? Seriously? And why has EVERYTHING turned green in the past three to five years? Because it's a marketing scheme, that's why. They guilt you into saving the planet by buying more expensive "green" products. I'm sick of green products. Now before you work yourself into a tizzy, let me make myself clear; I'm not saying you should go out and club a baby seal and pour oil all over it's dead body. I'm just saying get off my back if once in a while i like to unwind by dumping toxic waste on a pile of kittens. Hey, it's my prerogative. I'm an American! Anyway, sorry about that. Let's talk about root beer some more. The can it came in has a very basic design. The color scheme is composed of green and white for all the soda flavors, and there is a picture of the plant of flavor of the soda somewhere on the can. The root beer has a picture of a couple old barrels of root beer made from real organic wood sources, or at least they should be or Santa Cruz is a dirty liar. The rest of the can is covered in text, mostly about being organic and natural and all of that. It's basic and simple, and i am impartial to it. It doesn't jump out at me and i am not repulsed by it. Not much else to say about it really. My only other experience with a self proclaimed "organic" root beer ended very badly, so i was expecting the worst when i popped the top on this sucker. I was relieved to find that it's not as terrible as i was led to believe all organic root beers are, but it's still very typical tasting of a natural root beer. It has light carbonation and is sweetened with something called "organic evaporated cane juice", which actually has it's own website. The root beer taste is really quite subtle, and the after taste is basically non-existent. It almost reminds me of Olde Rhode Island Root Beer, in that the taste disappears after drinking it so quickly. Plus, it has a taste that reminds me of herbal tea. Basically all i end up really tasting in the end is the sugar and herbal tea taste. And the big kicker is that the root beer itself is actually clear. Yup, it's like the Crystal Pepsi of root beer.

My official review is that Santa Cruz Organic Root Beer gets 3 (three) IBCs. Like i said, i am leaning more toward putting it in the same category as Olde Rhode Island, but being a natural/organic soda, i'm coming down on it a little harder than i did with ORI. It doesn't taste bad, but it's completely unimpressive. Plus, it's affiliation with the green movement isn't helping it's reputation any...

Whistler Classic Sodas Lemon Root Beer

Sam's Club. A membership store full of good deals, items sold in bulk, and ornery customers. My wife and i took our kids with some of their neighborhood friends to Sam's Club recently to get some ice cream. Just a little treat as we are heading into Fall Break. The cafe at Sam's Club offers some good deals on some not great food. I concede Costco is much much better in regards to the food offerings they serve at the cafe, but we don't have a Costco membership. We have Sam's Club, with it's inferior pizza but decent hot dogs. And because the food is so affordable from the cafe, the lines are always so so long. The day we went recently was no exception. There were a lot of people waiting for their food and the staff at the cafe was visibly busy working behind the counter to fill all the orders. One customer in particular was very vocal about his discontent regarding the situation. He continually harassed the employees, asking where his order was even though he was clearly standing behind multiple other people who simply stood quietly and waited for their food. The staff told him they were doing the best they could and they would get his order out once they finished all the orders before him. But that wasn't good enough. He just wouldn't let it drop. That's when my wife spoke up. This isn't common for her to do, so i was surprised by it, but she simply told the guy they were doing the best they could and that he didn't need to talk to them like that. For the record, i was and am completely on the side of my wife and she was handling the situation differently than i would have. I would have just ignored the guy, but she chose to engage him and was telling it straight. She didn't need any help from me, so I sat back and paid attention to the conversation. The guy kept getting heated as they argued but my wife remained calm and kept assuring him they are doing their best and it's not like they are sitting in the back smoking or not working, they were clearly all hands on deck at this point. 

"Then they need more people," the guy exclaimed. "They should go get more help." 

"What do you want them to do about that? They are all working", my wife replied.

"Then do you want to go back there and help them?" the guy asked snidely. 

"No, but if you're that worried about it maybe you can go talk to a manager and get them some help, but i think you should just leave them alone cuz they are working."

Then the guy throws a, "that's cuz you're an idiot" at my wife. 

I had been patiently sitting and listening to this exchange waiting for this, the moment it escalated when i would be forced to say something. "Hey, easy guy." That's all i said. I was previously invisible to him as he was focused on arguing with this woman in line. But when the guy made eye contact with me i saw the realization wash over his face that the woman he was talking to at that point was my wife. He then turned around and didn't say another word. Now, i'm a classic weakling and a coward with no skills when it comes to physical confrontation, which is why i wouldn't have engaged this guy at all. And i don't consider myself a threatening presence in the least, but i was a good foot taller, probably 50-60 pounds heavier and at least 10 years younger than this guy. But more than our physical differences, what this guys actions said to me is that this guy is comfortable throwing his weight around when talking to a 100 pound woman but wouldn't say those kinds of things to another man. A true coward.

Just at that moment the guy's wife walks up to catch the tail end of this standoff. She doesn't say anything to us and goes up to her husband and they quietly talk to one another. Soon after their ice creams arrive and they collect them and walk past us. As they do, i look away trying to avoid further confrontation. My wife looks at them and smiles. And i didn't see it, but my wife says, "oh, don't roll your eyes at me," to the wife of this guy. She is much bigger than my wife (and her husband for that fact) and she squares up to my wife and shouts, "F*** you, Karen!" She and my wife exchange a couple more words and her husband mutters, "let's just go," and they both saunter off. This is the end of that whole confrontation, but it's one of those ones where you sit and think about it for hours afterward. What i would have said had i thought of it in the moment is that lady is 100% using that term wrong. SHE is calling MY WIFE a Karen? SHE'S the one who has the husband complaining because Sam's Club isn't making his $1.60 ice cream fast enough. I'm convince she has that 180 degrees flipped. What did my wife wish she said? "You're just mad because your husband can't pick you up." A bit of a low blow, but given the abuse she endured i would have allowed it. However, I told her if she would have said that this lady would have charged her, and i'm not sure i could have pulled her off. Anyway, i guess the moral of this story is don't be mean to people unless they deserve it. 

Sorry for my pointless meandering story there but i was looking for a way to pad this review. This is another root beer sent to me by my friend in Minnesota. Whistler Classic Sodas are made in Spring Lake Park, MN and distributed by Blue Sun Bottling. One of the flavors they offer is a Lemon Root Beer. I found a Facebook page for the company because the website listed on the bottle led me to this site which says the domain is for sale (and not really a bargain if you ask me). I personally don't care to traffic much on Facebook and don't have a profile on that platform, but it looks like a fun little operation. The 12 oz clear glass bottle has a fun shape to it, all twisty and stuff (like that guy's ice cream from Sam's Club) but the label is pretty sad.

The Whistler logo is on the bottle... and that's about it. The defunct website is listed near the bottom of the bottle and on the back is a barcode and some info about the bottling company. That's all. The only way to tell this is root beer is by looking at the cap to see a poorly printed and lazily placed sticker with the flavor and very difficult to make out ingredients listed. This was not impressive to me in the least. I like the logo but from the slap-dash nature of this i thought someone threw some root beer in a random recycled bottle. I will say though that the piss poor labeling does not match the caliber of the taste of this soda. This is a good tasting soda. It's very sweet with a pervasive lemon backbone to the flavor. The carbonation is good and it has a nice, sweet finish. I think my main criticism of it is similar to the last root beer i reviewed; i would not call this a root beer. The flavor of this doesn't remotely resemble that of a classic or even rudimentary root beer. It tastes like a candy or a dessert. Again, it's good, but it ain't root beer. 

My official review is that Whistler Classic Sodas Lemon Root Beer gets 6 (six) IBCs. I really did enjoy this soda, which was refreshing considering i expected to hate it. But i deliberately called it a "soda" and not a "root beer". It's just not even in the same category. Had it even a hint of root beer essence to it i would have rated it a 7 or an 8, cuz this is a good soda. I'd be eager to try some of the other flavors in their selection. However, i am gonna be firm on this account. If you're going to call it root beer it needs to taste at least somewhat like root beer. 

Freddie's Old Fashioned Root Beer

This is gonna be another quick one. Sorry, but i have a bunch of these in my fridge and need to get through them. I presume some of you, my loyal readers, actually prefer to not read any of my blathering run-on sentences i've been writing about my life lately, but i guess i wouldn't know since i truly don't care to read any of your comments or just generally interact with you at all. So with that, let's talk about Freddie's Old Fashioned Root Beer. I found this at my local Fry's grocery store, which is my preferred grocery shopping market. Freddie's is bottled in Frankfort, KY by Buffalo Trace Distillery. I have heard a lot about Buffalo Trace Whiskey as they are frequent sponsors on the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, but i have not indulged in the whiskey itself. I'm lead to believe that it's quite good, though i wouldn't know a good whiskey from a bad one if someone asked me. But it looks like this is the line of craft sodas that Buffalo Trace is responsible for. And since i can't weigh in on the whiskey, I guess i'll just have to see what this root beer holds.

The traditional 12 oz brown glass bottle has some fun labels attached, including one around the neck saying "Isn't that neat?". Well, it is in fact neat, as well as the little thumbs up on the cap and the profile image of a balding man wearing glasses and saying "Hey Daddy-o". It's fun and lively, so props for that Freddie's. A little harder to read at the bottom of the label is an informal ingredients list boasting the use of natural herbs, oil of birch and imported vanilla. The formal ingredients list says this stuff is sweetened with cane sugar and/or high fructose corn syrup. Not really sure how to take that. I guess they are covering all the bases with that statement. 

Well, whatever they sweeten this stuff with they did a decent job. This is a solid root beer all the way through. It has a classic, traditional root beer base with a sweet, creamy vanilla finish. The carbonation is a bit light for my taste, but otherwise it's very matter of fact. This is a root beer and it makes no qualms about it. Maybe my only criticism is that the flavor isn't distinct. I have no confidence that i could pick this out of a lineup. But that fact aside, i'm sure if i did a blind taste test of this root beer i would come to the conclusion that it's great even if i couldn't tell you what brand it was. 

My official review is that Freddie's Old Fashioned Root Beer gets 7 (seven) IBCs. Another great outing for a random root beer tucked away in my fridge. I am a fan of this stuff, and it seems to be popping up lots of places i have seen in my regional travels around the country so it is fairly readily available from what i can tell. Buffalo Trace is well known for putting a lot of time and effort into crafting their signature whiskey and i could say that seems to be the case for their root beer as well. Well done you. Go ahead and give this one a shot if you get the chance.

1919 Classic American Root Beer

This one will be short and sweet. Still on my quest to get through all the root beers in my fridge and this one was sitting right in front and looking so enticing. A friend of mine mailed me a care package full of root beers i have yet to review, which was very kind of her. 1919 Classic American Root Beer has been around since the beginning of Prohibition (which began in 1919) when breweries were faced with the dilemma of shifting operations to start making non-alcoholic beverages. Many breweries began making sodas, including the brewery that began making this one. This root beer hales from the northern MidWest region of the United States. New ULM Brewing and Beverage Co. operates out of Sleepy Eye, MN today and brews this soda to distribute to the surrounding areas. I got what is commonly referred to as a "tall boy" can, which is 16 oz. compared to the traditional 12 oz. can or bottle. That just means there is more of this to share with your wife and kids when you try it out for yourself. This is also available in bottles, growlers and even kegs if you're somewhere near where this is brewed. I really dig the label. It's simple but elegant and has bright pops of red to accentuate the design. Very tasteful.

Speaking of taste, this stuff packs it in. The recipe calls for real sugar and real vanilla, which gives this root beer a nice, solid, sweet and creamy flavor. The vanilla finish is a real treat. The website says this is great for root beer floats, which i don't doubt because this basically tastes like a root beer float already. In fact, it's so good that the website says it should only be had as a treat once in a while and shouldn't be consumed regularly. Kind of a refreshing take from the people who make this stuff. I'm really impressed with how good it is.

My official review is that 1919 Classic American Root Beer gets 9 (nine) IBCs. I mean... wow... this one is a treat. It's been a loooonnngg time since i've had a 9 come along and this one took me by surprise. My only wish is that i could get some locally, but i am nowhere near the northern MidWest region of the United States and don't know when i will ever get up to that area. So if you are feeling like making a pilgrimage or happen to stumble across some of this stuff then do yourself a favor and grab a few for a real solid root beer experience. 

Red Rock Root Beer

I'm gonna go on a bit of a rant here, but i gotta say this because it's probably the most important issue our culture is facing right now. 

Literally; in a literal sense or manner: such as
a) in a way that uses the ordinary or primary meaning of a term or expression.
b) used to emphasize the truth and accuracy of a statement or description.
c) with exact equivalence: with the meaning of each individual word given exactly.
d) in a completely accurate way.

This word (literally) has completely captured our cultural vernacular. This word is used everywhere by everyone all the time, and i'm here to say that it has to stop. The criticism against using the word "literally" used to be that it was being used incorrectly, i.e. "i'm so hungry that i could literally eat a horse." Clearly that's hyperbole and someone, regardless of their current stage of hunger, would not be able to consume and digest an entire horse in any reasonable amount of time allotted for a meal. So the correction was to use this word only when describing something in the context with letter b) above, to emphasize a point. But it has become over saturated at this point. Passively listen to any conversation. I mean any conversation. It could be watching a scripted TV show, or listening to a podcast, or overhearing people talking on the street or at the park or in a store. Count how many times one of the people in the conversation uses the word "literally" and you will see what i mean. Everyone is saying it. Everyone, everywhere, all the time (like that movie that came out recently that i didn't see). Your neighbor is saying it, your pastor is saying it, your news anchor is saying it, your child is saying it, you are saying it. Everywhere. All the time. It's crazy how captivated our culture is by this word. I was ruminating on this idea after witnessing my 4 year old niece say the word "literally" (in correct context mind you, i.e. to emphasize a point) probably 3-4 times in one short conversation with her mom. It's gotten out of hand. And i am not immune to this. I am saying this word all the time just like everyone else, but i'd like to stop. 

Here's the thing... people don't like being told what to do (or in this case, what not to do). So coming right out and telling people to stop saying the word "literally" likely won't have any effect. I think the only thing that can be done to draw attention to this issue is to double down. So now, whenever i hear someone say the word "literally" in a conversation i just repeat the word aloud for all to hear. For example, let's say i overhear you talking while standing in a line. I don't know you and i am just near you where i am in earshot of you and vice versa. You: "This cashier is so slow. I have been standing in line for literally (me: "literally") 10 minutes. I could have literally (me: "literally") been back at work by now." On it's face, it's annoying. Some weirdo you don't know chiming in on your conversation to just repeat the word "literally" after you've said it. You probably wouldn't think much of it. Now imagine the same scenario, but now everyone around you says it right after you've said it. You say the word "literally" in a casual conversation and then 10 or more people around you all say "literally" aloud for everyone to hear. It would carry much more weight and draw your attention to the scenario. I know it seems counter intuitive, but i think the only way out of this is through overuse and over saturation to the point where everyone is aware and everyone is sick of hearing this word. Now, that's Phase 1 of this plan. Phase 2 is much harder. You have to stop using the word yourself. Don't get down on yourself when you say "literally" to emphasize a point because it has completely invaded our psyche at this point and it's a natural go to when forming a sentence. We are all saying it which means we are all thinking it, so to correct this behavior we have to correct the way we think about how we speak. Like mentioned above, most of the time we are using this phrase to emphasize that what are saying is in fact true. I have tried replacing that word with something like "genuinely", "truly", or "sincerely". Or honestly, it's simple enough to just remove the word "literally" from whatever sentence you are about to say and your statement would not only be grammatically correct, it would still convey what you're trying to say. So how about it gang? Are we gonna do this?

Ok, rant concluded. Let's talk root beer. I think my friend Alysia sent this to me but i don't remember exactly where i got it. Red Rock Root Beer has been around since 1885 (according to the label) and hails from Atlanta, GA. There isn't much about this company from a simple google search and even the source of all truth has limited info about this company. Sounds like they started out with a ginger ale and were popular during the early turn of the 20th century but fell off almost entirely around the 1950's. Even the label is pretty sparse on the info. Speaking of the label, it's pretty cheap looking. It's just a clear sticker poorly affixed to a clear 12 oz glass bottle. Really no frills with this label. I actually like the little sticker on the neck of the bottle which seems more true to the 1950's style logos of that time. The new label is just so bland that i have nothing else to say about it. 

Cracking the cap released a pleasant enough aroma of caramel which is prominent in the taste. Other than that, it's quite "thin" (as i often describe the taste on these types of root beers) and has a not terrible but not great aftertaste. It is sweet from the cane sugar but ultimately lacks even a basic root beer flavor. It tastes like a soft caramel candy cube that my wife enjoys, yet it is still somehow less satisfying. I don't want to give the impression that this stuff is bad because it's not. But it's also not good. It's very... blah. Maybe why the company went out of business but doesn't explain why it was resuscitated. 

My official review is that Red Rocks Root Beer gets 4 (four) IBCs. It's not that i don't like the way it tastes, it's more that it doesn't really even taste like a root beer. It's just a sugar soda. I have already said more about this than the entire wikipedia entry, just more opinion and frivolous nonsense and less factual information. If you wanted to get this stuff i don't even know where to tell you to look. But i'd truly, sincerely, genuinely say don't bother because there are so many other root beers out there that are better than this. Literally. 

B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer

My family is bad at communicating in general. My wife talks with her mom and sisters at least every other day if not everyday. I will send a text to my brothers and won't hear back until i track them down via a phone call or persistent pestering. On birthdays i will usually try and shoot a quick text to them not expecting to hear back and usually receiving no response. So when it came time for my father to turn 80 years old, which he did yesterday, i decided to put in more effort than just a simple text. I decided to be the good son and organize a little get together at my parents' house in St. George, UT. My brothers all agreed to make the pilgrimage from various locations both near and far to come and celebrate this momentous event in my dad's life. I didn't have a super close relationship with my dad growing up. I was the youngest of 6 kids and always viewed my dad as an uptight task master who didn't have time for me. But like many other people i have talked to at my age i would say my dad is a completely different person now. He's way more laid back and jovial as well as simply being a doddering old man. And frankly, part of what i wanted to do was to just acknowledge that my aging father is running out of birthdays so we should spend some time talking to him and gaining wisdom and insight from the man who raised and supported us. So i wrote out several questions i wanted to ask about his life and growing up. First of all, he told me he doesn't remember anything about his own life before 5th grade. My 10 year old son is currently in 5th grade, so that means by his own admission my dad doesn't remember anything from the first decade of his life. So i pivoted to ask some hard hitting questions about his later life. 

My dad's dad died in the Pacific Theater of WWII when my dad was just 2-3 years old so he has no memory of his biological father. Interestingly enough, my father was drafted into the Vietnam War at the tender age of 29, close in age to when his father enlisted in WWII. At the time he was married to my mother and had my oldest brother as a young baby. I noted how this paralleled with his own father's life and circumstances and asked if my dad ever thought about how he was leaving his young wife and new son to go fight in a war he may never come back from, repeating the cycle he himself endured. His answer to me; "Umm... no." Great. So much for wisdom and insight gained from decades of experience. That being said, we still had a lovely time and i think my father appreciated having all his children and grandchildren together in his house, regardless of the fact that it was to celebrate him. And i was happy it all went well and everyone enjoyed themselves cuz that means that by putting this all together i've cemented my place as the favorite child, which hopefully will pay dividends in the family will. Again, i'm the youngest of 6 so i gotta improve my inheritance however i can. 

I picked out this root beer for this review simply based on the name. B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer is brewed by Oskar Blues Brewery in Longmont, CO. Like many local breweries they mostly deal in brewing beers and lagers but have a small line of craft sodas that they sell as well. I picked up a 6-pack of cans from a Smith's grocery store in West Jordan, UT while visiting my wife's parents a while back. I don't know much else about the brewery or the story of when it started or anything like that. Mostly because i couldn't find it on their website and don't care to look elsewhere on the internet. Some things i am content to remain a mystery to me, like this. And drag queens. I get they have an appeal and i am not negating their talents or passion, but i'm not their target audience. Mostly i think of them the way i think of Olympic curlers. They will grab my attention on first sight because it seems so new and novel. But after a few minutes of watching older men with beer bellies pushing stones and sweeping ice, i usually just end up thinking, "wait... these guys are Olympic athletes? Cuz... they don't look like athletes." And then i lose all interest. Just like drag queens. 

The can is loaded with images of mountain ranges and exhortations to recycle. Along the top of the can near the rim is says, "You can't handle the root!" and along the bottom it says "coloRADo USA". Just some fun little things about it i suppose. Other than that, it has a bland brown and black color scheme and a complete disregard for "one font to rule them all". I grabbed this one partly cuz i am talking about my dad in this post and the name of this is B.Stiff & Sons but also because it's one of the first ones i saw in my fridge. Don't know what the B.Stiff thing is about or why we have to bring his/her sons into this. I think the guy who owns the brewery is named Dale. So i'm missing the connection there, but again, i am too lazy or don't care enough to research it any more because i doubt the answer will be interesting. You know what else isn't all that interesting? The flavor of this root beer. It's a pretty standard root beer, sweetened with can sugar and a basic root beer flavor. It's a little thin and is reminiscent of several generic brands, but the nice thing is that it finishes well and doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth. Outside of that though, i don't know that anything about this root beer makes it stand out, appealing or memorable. Just like drag queens. 

My official review is that B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer gets 5 (five) IBCs. Like so so many other root beers, this one is perfectly average. Another bit of text scrawled along the rim of the can says "Nice Floats!" I wouldn't know because i didn't make or drink a float with this but i would imagine it would taste completely and wholly adequate. I don't remember the cost of this but i imagine it wasn't terribly expensive. Outside of that i don't really see a reason to ever get this stuff again. So congrats to you B.Stiff & Sons, you have achieved the height of mediocrity.