B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer

My family is bad at communicating in general. My wife talks with her mom and sisters at least every other day if not everyday. I will send a text to my brothers and won't hear back until i track them down via a phone call or persistent pestering. On birthdays i will usually try and shoot a quick text to them not expecting to hear back and usually receiving no response. So when it came time for my father to turn 80 years old, which he did yesterday, i decided to put in more effort than just a simple text. I decided to be the good son and organize a little get together at my parents' house in St. George, UT. My brothers all agreed to make the pilgrimage from various locations both near and far to come and celebrate this momentous event in my dad's life. I didn't have a super close relationship with my dad growing up. I was the youngest of 6 kids and always viewed my dad as an uptight task master who didn't have time for me. But like many other people i have talked to at my age i would say my dad is a completely different person now. He's way more laid back and jovial as well as simply being a doddering old man. And frankly, part of what i wanted to do was to just acknowledge that my aging father is running out of birthdays so we should spend some time talking to him and gaining wisdom and insight from the man who raised and supported us. So i wrote out several questions i wanted to ask about his life and growing up. First of all, he told me he doesn't remember anything about his own life before 5th grade. My 10 year old son is currently in 5th grade, so that means by his own admission my dad doesn't remember anything from the first decade of his life. So i pivoted to ask some hard hitting questions about his later life. 

My dad's dad died in the Pacific Theater of WWII when my dad was just 2-3 years old so he has no memory of his biological father. Interestingly enough, my father was drafted into the Vietnam War at the tender age of 29, close in age to when his father enlisted in WWII. At the time he was married to my mother and had my oldest brother as a young baby. I noted how this paralleled with his own father's life and circumstances and asked if my dad ever thought about how he was leaving his young wife and new son to go fight in a war he may never come back from, repeating the cycle he himself endured. His answer to me; "Umm... no." Great. So much for wisdom and insight gained from decades of experience. That being said, we still had a lovely time and i think my father appreciated having all his children and grandchildren together in his house, regardless of the fact that it was to celebrate him. And i was happy it all went well and everyone enjoyed themselves cuz that means that by putting this all together i've cemented my place as the favorite child, which hopefully will pay dividends in the family will. Again, i'm the youngest of 6 so i gotta improve my inheritance however i can. 

I picked out this root beer for this review simply based on the name. B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer is brewed by Oskar Blues Brewery in Longmont, CO. Like many local breweries they mostly deal in brewing beers and lagers but have a small line of craft sodas that they sell as well. I picked up a 6-pack of cans from a Smith's grocery store in West Jordan, UT while visiting my wife's parents a while back. I don't know much else about the brewery or the story of when it started or anything like that. Mostly because i couldn't find it on their website and don't care to look elsewhere on the internet. Some things i am content to remain a mystery to me, like this. And drag queens. I get they have an appeal and i am not negating their talents or passion, but i'm not their target audience. Mostly i think of them the way i think of Olympic curlers. They will grab my attention on first sight because it seems so new and novel. But after a few minutes of watching older men with beer bellies pushing stones and sweeping ice, i usually just end up thinking, "wait... these guys are Olympic athletes? Cuz... they don't look like athletes." And then i lose all interest. Just like drag queens. 

The can is loaded with images of mountain ranges and exhortations to recycle. Along the top of the can near the rim is says, "You can't handle the root!" and along the bottom it says "coloRADo USA". Just some fun little things about it i suppose. Other than that, it has a bland brown and black color scheme and a complete disregard for "one font to rule them all". I grabbed this one partly cuz i am talking about my dad in this post and the name of this is B.Stiff & Sons but also because it's one of the first ones i saw in my fridge. Don't know what the B.Stiff thing is about or why we have to bring his/her sons into this. I think the guy who owns the brewery is named Dale. So i'm missing the connection there, but again, i am too lazy or don't care enough to research it any more because i doubt the answer will be interesting. You know what else isn't all that interesting? The flavor of this root beer. It's a pretty standard root beer, sweetened with can sugar and a basic root beer flavor. It's a little thin and is reminiscent of several generic brands, but the nice thing is that it finishes well and doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth. Outside of that though, i don't know that anything about this root beer makes it stand out, appealing or memorable. Just like drag queens. 

My official review is that B.Stiff & Sons Old Fashioned Root Beer gets 5 (five) IBCs. Like so so many other root beers, this one is perfectly average. Another bit of text scrawled along the rim of the can says "Nice Floats!" I wouldn't know because i didn't make or drink a float with this but i would imagine it would taste completely and wholly adequate. I don't remember the cost of this but i imagine it wasn't terribly expensive. Outside of that i don't really see a reason to ever get this stuff again. So congrats to you B.Stiff & Sons, you have achieved the height of mediocrity.