Fiz Roc City Root Beer

I heard recently about a writing exercise in the book Bird by Bird which instructs you to describe a school lunch. The one that immediately sprang to mind for me was in middle school. I was probably in 6^th or 7^th grade at the time. Like most schools, our school lunch options were rather lack luster and I often brought a lunch from home as my parents rarely gave me money for school lunch. But the most popular school meal for us at that time was easily pizza day. The cafeteria would make homemade pizza on big rectangular cookie sheets and cut and serve square slices to all the kids who bought lunch that day. If you were lucky you got an edge piece, and a corner piece was like winning the lottery. To my memory the pizza was mediocre at best, but all the kids who ate it acted like it was the best pizza they had ever tasted, exacerbated by the fact that our small town had really only two pizza restaurants so there wasn’t much to compare it to. This particular lunch day I had neither a lunch I brought from home nor money to buy school lunch. I simply went to lunch with my peers with no thought of how or what I would eat. I don’t know if I thought someone would take care of me but I definitely had the feeling I should be eating some pizza with my classmates even though I had no way of procuring anything. I sat next to my friend named Jake and did the thing which I still have a tendency to do, which is to determine something I think is funny to me and proceed to annoy everyone around me incessantly until consequences intervene to put an end to my shenanigans. I don’t recall exactly what I was doing to Jake, but for sure it was annoying and I got what was coming to me. I was pestering Jake, probably about getting him to share some of his pizza, and it got to the point where I was the only one thinking we were all having fun and laughing and Jake had had enough. The actual inciting incident escapes me, but after one too many annoyances Jake palmed his pizza square and shoved it directly into my face. He mashed it back and forth a bit and then got up and left the table. I started laughing, probably initially out of shock and then out of embarrassment, but he wasn’t laughing and no one else around me was laughing. I then quickly shifted to subtly and then uncontrollably crying. People around me took notice and some kids speculated it was because the pizza was hot and burning my face. I didn’t correct them, but I can say it was more so that I was completely embarrassed by my friend for my stupid antics. It was humiliating and I learned a valuable lesson that day; stop being so damn annoying all the time. Sadly, this is a lesson I have learned many more times after this. Just usually without having pizza shoved in my face. So there. That’s my lunch story. Was it worth it? Probably not. 

This is one of those root beers i could have sworn i have already reviewed. I see this one around during my root beer escapades and research efforts. Most notably the last time i likely saw this was at our local Rocket Fizz shop, which is probably where i found this one. Fiz Roc City Root Beer is bottled by College Club Beverages in Rochester, NY. I found Facebook and Instagram pages for College Club Beverages, both of which put in the bare minimum effort to even say the same of the venture. I don't use any social media whatsoever and generally eschew all forms of it so i didn't really delve into either of these internet searches, mostly out of defiance, but also largely because i can't pretend to care about all the bottlers out there. The one bit of info i did glean from my very sparing research is that College Club Beverages is family owned and operated and has been in business since 1922.They have a variety of flavors, though i couldn't list any of them or point you to any websites where you could browse or buy any of them. But like i said, i see this one all the time when i am looking and i would have bet you anything i had already reviewed it. But like so many others i probably just bought it and buried in the back of my fridge and didn't give it another thought. 

This comes in a fairly standard 12 oz. clear glass bottle. The label is super duper simple and minimal. I think the background color of the label may change based on what flavor soda you are purchasing/consuming, but otherwise there is basically nothing to it. And i'm just gonna cut to the chase cuz i don't have much else to say about this... it's bad. It doesn't taste like root beer. It doesn't taste like anything. It's very thin and watery with a hint of cane sugar. It tastes like brown. It tastes like chemicals. It tastes like sadness. It tastes like failure. It's not good. Not even a little bit. The only redeeming quality is that it doesn't taste so offensive as to make me want to vomit or to commit violence against my fellow man. And that's really all that can be said about this. To quote Sean Hannity, it's a travesty. 

My official review is that Fiz Roc City Root Beer gets 2 (two) IBCs. It has been a long time since i've had a root beer this terrible. I can only imagine the rest of their flavors follow suit. Something tells me the recipe has changed over time because there is no way a company stays in business since 1922 peddling garbage like this. If you come across this one, DO NOT BOTHER. It is an utter failure and a disappointment to all other root beers. 

Labrador Root Beer

My daughter asked me something that really made me think the other day. We were outside walking down to the street corner to see some river stones which had been painted for Halloween and she asked, "Daddy, are birds good?" I wasn't sure what she meant at first and thought perhaps she was asking if they are good to eat. So i said, "what do you mean by that?" And she replied, "you know... for the world." 

Mind totally blown. 

I have never really stopped and pondered on this fundamental question; Are birds good for the world? I mean, from everything i can tell it's all signs point to yes, right? Birds are good for the world. Sure we all have experiences with birds which may be unpleasant. For example, pigeons are fairly reviled, but still, I kicked one once just for the fun of it and it is still a source of shame for me. So, you know, that one backfired on me. And i lived near peacocks in my teens and they used to crap on my car, which i didn't appreciate. 

Oh, and when i lived in Florida i parked my car at work under some telephone lines and when i came out after work my car looked like this. So i think there is evidence that could be presented that birds are in fact NOT good for the world. I just haven't heard any salient arguments against birds, but i am open to the notion. SOOO... i guess this is your call to action? Go out there and present your case for why birds are not good for the world. I'm eager to see where my blindspots are in regards to this inquiry. 

Alfred Hitchcock... i'd like to get his take on the birds question. Him and Sully Sullenberger. Probably some interesting insights from both those gentlemen…

Anyway, i suppose it's time to get another review in the books. I am cleaning out my fridge and the end is in sight, but i still have a few to go. Labrador Root Beer is another soda distributed by Rocket Fizz. I thought this might have been Canadian at first because i am pretty sure there is a region or territory of Canada near Nova Scotia and Newfoundland called Labrador. But it's not from Canada. It's from America. And that's about all the info i have on this root beer. It comes in a 12 oz brown glass bottle and I like the label. It's very professional and has a gorgeous image of a labrador retriever, i assume. I know nothing about dogs or dog breeds. But it is a nice photo realistic image and next to its head is what looks like the end of a shotgun shell that says "Champion Of The USA". So there's that. 

The label also says this root beer is "all natural" and distinctly says "butterscotch". You know what this root beer doesn't taste like? You guessed it; butterscotch. When my son cracked the cap using his swiss army knife bottle opener for the first time the initial aroma i was hit with was black licorice. That's what the label should have said; "black licorice", cuz that's what it tastes like. Not butterscotch. Not even a little bit. I almost got the distinct flavor of mint when first drinking it, perhaps wintergreen, but the more i drank it the less it tasted like that and the more the anise flavor crept in. And now that's all i can taste. And the sad part is i started off liking this quite a bit and ended up thinking i will never try this root beer again. Just straight up flip flopped on this one. 

My official review is that Labrador Root Beer gets 4 (four) IBCs. I am not in the best mood right now with the way this one toyed with my emotions like that and i was really teetering on the edge of giving this one a 3, but it probably deserves at least a 4. But don't go bragging about it around town Labrador, it's nothing to be proud of. The one takeaway from this whole experience is that at least now i can definitively say that this root beer is NOT good for the world.