Sonoran Root Beer

Wow... July has been a whirlwind, and all i can really say is that i know i have been missed and i am sorry for delaying my research notes for all of you. But i have a special treat for you today. Sonoran Root Beer is brewed right here in good ol' Phoenix, AZ (specifically, in Scottsdale) at the Pinnacle Peak Patio Steakhouse. I was tipped off by a lady i work with named Merlyn. Suffice it to say, she's awesome. The brewery makes several types of unique beers for the restaurant as well as Sonoran Root Beer. The brewery used to also make another kind of root beer called Watt's root beer which is no longer in production. However, i actually talked to Zach, one of the brewmasters at Sonoran (cuz that's the kind of pull i have in the local root beer circles), and he told me that he just recently started rebottling Sonoran and that once he gets this thing going again that he has ideas for lots of other root beer recipes he wants to try out. Nice dude. I only talked to him on the phone, but after talking to him and having never seen him in real life, i'd have to say he probably looks strikingly similar to this. Or this. Or maybe this. Anyway, Sonoran can now be purchased at the Pop Shop as well as from the restaurant where the brewery is located.

Sonoran comes in 22 oz. brown glass bottles, so it's a little bit larger serving than you might be used to. The label feature's a cool, kickin' it cactus with sunglasses and a big mug of root beer. Living in the desert, you get your fair share of exposure to cactus of all temperaments, from happy, to angry, to paranoid. You just gotta roll with it really. But anyway, other than that, the label is quite simple. It uses a lot of bright colors and has the Sonoran Brewing Company brand proudly displayed, so there's really no mistaking it. The big bottle was nice so i could share with my wife, although i don't think she appreciated the root beer much since she was sick at the time. All she kept saying was, "i can't taste anything", at which point she was promptly cut off. So luckily i had plenty left over for the review.

The ingredients listed on the label show that this root beer is quite simple. It tastes like root beer, which is a good thing for a root beer to taste like, and has a blend of other flavors in it. The root beer is made with sonoran desert honey, vanilla, and artificial flavors, but in the end it all just tastes like smarties to me. There was another root beer i reviewed in my what is now ENORMOUS collection of documented root beer explorations, but i can't quite pinpoint which one it is. But the bottom line is that i liked it. It's quite sweet, but still very good. The root beer taste it starts with is kind of overshadowed by the sweet, candy aftertaste, but i didn't find it overpowering or unlikeable.

My official review is that Sonoran Root Beer gets 7 (seven) IBCs. It's a good root beer. I dig the 22 oz. bottles and i am excited to see if Zach follows through with some more concoctions for me to review/promote for him for free. I'm just hoping that once he makes it big, i'll be compensated on the back end. But do yourself a favor and swing by the Pop Shop and grab a bottle. It's decent stuff.

Steaz Organic Sparkling Green Tea Root Beer

Well, this will round out the natural/organic root beer run i made at Whole Foods, and this has to be by far the weirdest one i've encountered. Steaz is a brand or organic beverages from the Healthy Beverage Company of Newton, PA. They make a variety of different drinks in several flavors, all of which contain green tea. I don't know how long they've been around, but thanks to a little research on this site, i do know that the company was started by a couple guys named Eric Schnell and Steve Kessler. These two guys decided to name their drink "Steaz" because they combine "sodas" with "teas". They use a z because they think it looks stylish. I'll give you credit for being somewhat clever, though i don't think you exerted yourselves all that much. However, the name Steaz makes me think of "skeez", as in, "that guy is a total skeez", and that makes me think these guys are kinda shady. Another reason i think that is because they rave excessively about how much good in the world they are doing. I mean, these guys love to toot their own horn about how they donate to causes that benefit Sri Lanka, the Sudan, cancer survivors, paying fair wages to farmers, and reducing the carbon foot print. Sure, you can say they are all noble causes, and i am not disputing that. I am just saying that those who yell the loudest usually have something to hide. Could it be that what they really do all day is sit around in a shack smoking opium and listening to trance music? That seems more likely. You may be asking yourself, "what would ever give you that idea Cosmo?" Just take a look at their website. Seriously, i feel like i'm trapped in a bad Enigma video, or like i'm the first one to arrive at a cult recruitment meeting wondering where everyone else is and why my head suddenly is starting to feel funny.

The 12 oz. clear glass bottles of their "root beer" have a fairly basic, yet high end look to them. There is the brand logo itself printed above a row of overflowing root beer mugs. Although there is a lot of text involved just in writing the name, it doesn't look too busy and isn't off putting. So like i said, it's pretty basic, but it also looks quite professional. Apparently this stuff is pretty popular because they make enough money to sponser a fairly high end website, some decent marketing and packaging, and lots of cash to throw at charities.

As mentioned before, all the drinks made by Steaz contain green tea. That being the case, i don't think they should really call this stuff soda, or even root beer. It's tea. It looks like tea, it tastes like tea, and it even calls itself tea. Does it taste like root beer? Vaguely. And maybe the joke is on me and i just misunderstood, but this stuff isn't root beer. It's tea. Like Santa Cruz Organic, this stuff is also sweetened with organic evaporated cane juice. It also claims to be far better for you than soda. That's because it's parading as something it is not. Tea combined with soda? It's not soda. Not at all. Or maybe i was just confused when i bought it. I was expecting a tea infused soda. But what i got was a "root beer" flavored tea. And on that matter, let me just say that people have combined tea with other flavors to create raspberry tea, cinnimon tea, and even peppermint tea, which are all acceptable. But i have a suggestion for the tea industry in general; don't combine your tea with root beer. Just don't do it.

My official review is that Steaz Green Tea Root Beer gets 2 (two) IBCs. It's not that this stuff is terrible tasting. It's that it's not a root beer. And i don't particualy like tea, so that already counts me out. There is also a note on the bottle about natual settling that may occur for this drink. I found as i drank down to the bottom of the bottle, it becomes more and more tea flavored. Also, the colder it is, the better tasting it is (if any of you are still interested). They claim it's good for you, but i won't be buying it again, and i suggest you get yourself a real root beer also.

Santa Cruz Organic Root Beer

You must be getting tired of these natural root beers, but i only have a couple more to review. This one is called Santa Cruz Organic Root Beer. Santa Cruz Natural is a company dedicated to making several products, from fruit juices to peanut butter, using organic sources. The company is based in Chico, CA and has been around since the early 1970s. In addition to making products from all natural sources, Santa Cruz Organic is a big proponent of the green movement. I think up until now i have made myself fairly clear about my stance on hippies, but i rarely (if ever) mention anything about the green movement, which was started primarily by hippies (or more-so, the children of hippies). This might offend people, but i think we can all agree my influence in the root beer circles excuses my opinions that some may find offensive. Anyway, let's start this with a question. "Hey Cosmo, how do you feel about the green movement?" Well, i'll tell you. The green movement is a marketing scheme. The word "green" to me is synonymous with "expensive". Have you noticed that "green" products are usually more expensive than their "non-green" competitive counterparts? I thought going green was supposed to save money. Why does saving the Earth have to be so expensive? Seriously? And why has EVERYTHING turned green in the past three to five years? Because it's a marketing scheme, that's why. They guilt you into saving the planet by buying more expensive "green" products. I'm sick of green products. Now before you work yourself into a tizzy, let me make myself clear; I'm not saying you should go out and club a baby seal and pour oil all over it's dead body. I'm just saying get off my back if once in a while i like to unwind by dumping toxic waste on a pile of kittens. Hey, it's my prerogative. I'm an American! Anyway, sorry about that. Let's talk about root beer some more. The can it came in has a very basic design. The color scheme is composed of green and white for all the soda flavors, and there is a picture of the plant of flavor of the soda somewhere on the can. The root beer has a picture of a couple old barrels of root beer made from real organic wood sources, or at least they should be or Santa Cruz is a dirty liar. The rest of the can is covered in text, mostly about being organic and natural and all of that. It's basic and simple, and i am impartial to it. It doesn't jump out at me and i am not repulsed by it. Not much else to say about it really. My only other experience with a self proclaimed "organic" root beer ended very badly, so i was expecting the worst when i popped the top on this sucker. I was relieved to find that it's not as terrible as i was led to believe all organic root beers are, but it's still very typical tasting of a natural root beer. It has light carbonation and is sweetened with something called "organic evaporated cane juice", which actually has it's own website. The root beer taste is really quite subtle, and the after taste is basically non-existent. It almost reminds me of Olde Rhode Island Root Beer, in that the taste disappears after drinking it so quickly. Plus, it has a taste that reminds me of herbal tea. Basically all i end up really tasting in the end is the sugar and herbal tea taste. And the big kicker is that the root beer itself is actually clear. Yup, it's like the Crystal Pepsi of root beer.

My official review is that Santa Cruz Organic Root Beer gets 3 (three) IBCs. Like i said, i am leaning more toward putting it in the same category as Olde Rhode Island, but being a natural/organic soda, i'm coming down on it a little harder than i did with ORI. It doesn't taste bad, but it's completely unimpressive. Plus, it's affiliation with the green movement isn't helping it's reputation any...

Whistler Classic Sodas Lemon Root Beer

Sam's Club. A membership store full of good deals, items sold in bulk, and ornery customers. My wife and i took our kids with some of their neighborhood friends to Sam's Club recently to get some ice cream. Just a little treat as we are heading into Fall Break. The cafe at Sam's Club offers some good deals on some not great food. I concede Costco is much much better in regards to the food offerings they serve at the cafe, but we don't have a Costco membership. We have Sam's Club, with it's inferior pizza but decent hot dogs. And because the food is so affordable from the cafe, the lines are always so so long. The day we went recently was no exception. There were a lot of people waiting for their food and the staff at the cafe was visibly busy working behind the counter to fill all the orders. One customer in particular was very vocal about his discontent regarding the situation. He continually harassed the employees, asking where his order was even though he was clearly standing behind multiple other people who simply stood quietly and waited for their food. The staff told him they were doing the best they could and they would get his order out once they finished all the orders before him. But that wasn't good enough. He just wouldn't let it drop. That's when my wife spoke up. This isn't common for her to do, so i was surprised by it, but she simply told the guy they were doing the best they could and that he didn't need to talk to them like that. For the record, i was and am completely on the side of my wife and she was handling the situation differently than i would have. I would have just ignored the guy, but she chose to engage him and was telling it straight. She didn't need any help from me, so I sat back and paid attention to the conversation. The guy kept getting heated as they argued but my wife remained calm and kept assuring him they are doing their best and it's not like they are sitting in the back smoking or not working, they were clearly all hands on deck at this point. 

"Then they need more people," the guy exclaimed. "They should go get more help." 

"What do you want them to do about that? They are all working", my wife replied.

"Then do you want to go back there and help them?" the guy asked snidely. 

"No, but if you're that worried about it maybe you can go talk to a manager and get them some help, but i think you should just leave them alone cuz they are working."

Then the guy throws a, "that's cuz you're an idiot" at my wife. 

I had been patiently sitting and listening to this exchange waiting for this, the moment it escalated when i would be forced to say something. "Hey, easy guy." That's all i said. I was previously invisible to him as he was focused on arguing with this woman in line. But when the guy made eye contact with me i saw the realization wash over his face that the woman he was talking to at that point was my wife. He then turned around and didn't say another word. Now, i'm a classic weakling and a coward with no skills when it comes to physical confrontation, which is why i wouldn't have engaged this guy at all. And i don't consider myself a threatening presence in the least, but i was a good foot taller, probably 50-60 pounds heavier and at least 10 years younger than this guy. But more than our physical differences, what this guys actions said to me is that this guy is comfortable throwing his weight around when talking to a 100 pound woman but wouldn't say those kinds of things to another man. A true coward.

Just at that moment the guy's wife walks up to catch the tail end of this standoff. She doesn't say anything to us and goes up to her husband and they quietly talk to one another. Soon after their ice creams arrive and they collect them and walk past us. As they do, i look away trying to avoid further confrontation. My wife looks at them and smiles. And i didn't see it, but my wife says, "oh, don't roll your eyes at me," to the wife of this guy. She is much bigger than my wife (and her husband for that fact) and she squares up to my wife and shouts, "F*** you, Karen!" She and my wife exchange a couple more words and her husband mutters, "let's just go," and they both saunter off. This is the end of that whole confrontation, but it's one of those ones where you sit and think about it for hours afterward. What i would have said had i thought of it in the moment is that lady is 100% using that term wrong. SHE is calling MY WIFE a Karen? SHE'S the one who has the husband complaining because Sam's Club isn't making his $1.60 ice cream fast enough. I'm convince she has that 180 degrees flipped. What did my wife wish she said? "You're just mad because your husband can't pick you up." A bit of a low blow, but given the abuse she endured i would have allowed it. However, I told her if she would have said that this lady would have charged her, and i'm not sure i could have pulled her off. Anyway, i guess the moral of this story is don't be mean to people unless they deserve it. 

Sorry for my pointless meandering story there but i was looking for a way to pad this review. This is another root beer sent to me by my friend in Minnesota. Whistler Classic Sodas are made in Spring Lake Park, MN and distributed by Blue Sun Bottling. One of the flavors they offer is a Lemon Root Beer. I found a Facebook page for the company because the website listed on the bottle led me to this site which says the domain is for sale (and not really a bargain if you ask me). I personally don't care to traffic much on Facebook and don't have a profile on that platform, but it looks like a fun little operation. The 12 oz clear glass bottle has a fun shape to it, all twisty and stuff (like that guy's ice cream from Sam's Club) but the label is pretty sad.

The Whistler logo is on the bottle... and that's about it. The defunct website is listed near the bottom of the bottle and on the back is a barcode and some info about the bottling company. That's all. The only way to tell this is root beer is by looking at the cap to see a poorly printed and lazily placed sticker with the flavor and very difficult to make out ingredients listed. This was not impressive to me in the least. I like the logo but from the slap-dash nature of this i thought someone threw some root beer in a random recycled bottle. I will say though that the piss poor labeling does not match the caliber of the taste of this soda. This is a good tasting soda. It's very sweet with a pervasive lemon backbone to the flavor. The carbonation is good and it has a nice, sweet finish. I think my main criticism of it is similar to the last root beer i reviewed; i would not call this a root beer. The flavor of this doesn't remotely resemble that of a classic or even rudimentary root beer. It tastes like a candy or a dessert. Again, it's good, but it ain't root beer. 

My official review is that Whistler Classic Sodas Lemon Root Beer gets 6 (six) IBCs. I really did enjoy this soda, which was refreshing considering i expected to hate it. But i deliberately called it a "soda" and not a "root beer". It's just not even in the same category. Had it even a hint of root beer essence to it i would have rated it a 7 or an 8, cuz this is a good soda. I'd be eager to try some of the other flavors in their selection. However, i am gonna be firm on this account. If you're going to call it root beer it needs to taste at least somewhat like root beer.