My Essentials Root Beer

You guys have to be getting tired of my incessant apologizing for bringing you terrible reviews of terrible root beers, and of the fact that i keep using my recent move as an excuse, but seriously people... i've been super busy with settling in to a new job and trying to buy a house. I REALLY AM SORRY for reviewing yet another generic crappy root beer, even when i have plenty of unique bottled root beers in my fridge still. But it's just easier this way for now. Besides, most of you stopped reading these a long time ago. I think i'm just doing this for me now. So anyway, this is a root beer i found in a small town south of where i live called Belleview. There is a grocery store in Belleview that i've never seen anywhere else called SweetBay. Through my limited research (zero is a limit), i surmised that My Essentials Root Beer is the generic brand that SweetBay carries. I believe it's also carried by another grocery store i've never heard of called Hanaford's. When tried to google My Essentials Root Beer, i found this to be the most relevant site that wasn't in Russian. I don't know where Hanaford's are, and frankly i don't care. I just want to get this root beer in the books cuz i could care less about it. The only other info i care to report on this one is that it's bottled in North Carolina.

I could have elected to go for cans with this root beer, but i did the 2 liter for reasons i explained in my Publix Root Beer review. Look there if you care for a break down. If you don't, it wont break my heart. The label lacks everything a good label should. It screams generic, and i'm tired of explaining what that means. Just trust me on this one.

I'll get right to it. I hate this stuff. It's not good. It tastes like a diet soda. All i can taste is the weird aftertaste that seems like it's sweetened with aspartame, even though it's sweetened with HFCS. The carbonation is decent, and that's about all i can say thats good about it. The faint root beer flavor is quickly lost in the unpleasant aftertaste. Any redeeming qualities this root beer may have are lost on me. I give My Essentials credit for the fact that i didn't want to murder myself after drinking it, but it's not much better than some of the worst ones out there.

My official review is that My Essentials Root Beer gets 3 (three) IBCs. Consider that rating to be VERY generous on my part. You really don't deserve a 3, but a rating of 2 gives you a place with some of the more infamous root beers i've tried, and i don't think you're worth remembering at all. 

Publix Root Beer

HEEELLLOOO! Writing again from here in sunny Florida where it's just starting to heat up. It hasn't been super muggy yet, but the bugs are definitely starting to make an appearance. I got attacked by a swarm of fire ants the other day, but that's probably mostly due to the fact that i was standing right on top of their mound. I am looking forward to the warm weather to take advantage of the beaches, but the locals say the water is still too cold right now. Anyway, this is the local grocery store's brand of root beer here in Central Florida. I think Publix is actually all over Florida. I've never heard of them before moving here though so i don't know about anywhere else. I tried to find something on their website worth linking, but it's all lame and useless to me. It's just a typical grocery store and this is their brand. If i were less mature i might make fun of the store by referring to it as Pubics, but come on... i have more respect for my readers than that. We're all adults here right? Wait, do kids read this blog?

I got the the 2 liter bottle for reasons which are obvious and have been stated several times before in other reviews. Just for the record though, i will set the precedence for choosing which vessel to purchase a root beer in/consume a root beer from: 1) glass bottle of any size, shape, or color for premium taste and maximum enjoyment. 2) 20 oz plastic bottle for portability and economic value. Resealable top is pretty nice too. 3) 1 liter plastic bottle, same reasons as 20 oz with less portability due to dimensional limitations. 4) 2 liter plastic bottle, same as 1 liter. 5) 12 oz cans in any quantity greater than 1. They may have 4-packs of cans out there, but it doubt it. And a 2-pack just sounds stupid (no offense). A 6-pack or more just gets cumbersome. 6) paper container of any kind. 7) dead hippie's skull. Pro: dead hippie. Con: you gotta put your mouth on it. Anyway, the 2 liter was cheap and easy, so that's what i did. The label is pretty bland. It's right in line with most generics, and therefore i won't say anything else about it. Just look at it and make your own opinion.

This stuff isn't terrible, but it's definitely not great. I know i say that about several root beers, but that's only because most root beers fall into this category. It's drinkable, but not desirable. There are a lot of better choices out there, even here in Central Florida. It has a good root beer aroma with hints of carmel and is well carbonated, but the flavor fades quick and is fairly thin. It's a standard generic root beer. I don't really know how else to put it.

My official review is that Pubics Root Beer gets 5 (five) IBCs. I sometimes feel guilty reviewing these store brands because the story is basically always the same on them, but i really don't feel like i would be doing my job as a root beer reviewer if i simply ignored them. So i will press forward and keep reviewing these menial root beers. I really doubt any of you will care one way or another. In fact, i'm pretty sure no one even reads this blog anymore.

Spring Grove Root Beer

I picked this one up from the Root Beer Store website a while back. Looking at their site again recently, there are several new root beers i need to try, so i will probably be making another order sometime in the future. Anyway, Spring Grove Root Beer comes from Minnesota and has been around since 1895, making it one of the oldest root beers that i have tried. The story on the website is a familiar tale of humble beginnings, local favoritism and prosperity, followed by corporate take over and global domination. Ok, maybe they haven't reached that level yet, but they have branched out to open operations in the neighboring states of Wisconsin and Iowa. Spring Grove is a small set up with a few different flavors of soda, mostly fruit flavored. For more info about the company, feel free to visit the small and modest website.

The clear glass 12 oz. bottle is outfitted with a clear sticker label (poorly applied i might add) with a lot of text and clutter. There is a little picture of a tree and maybe a brook or stream or something. No color, and the white text contrasts against the brown root beer. Having an empty bottle makes it more difficult to read. Nothing about the label really struck me as novel or interesting. It's very similar to the Cool Mountain root beer label, even in regards to featuring landscapes and scenery on the label. All in all, it's functional but pretty unimaginative.

The taste similarly is kind of lackluster. It's a sweet root beer (sweetened with real cane sugar) and the root beer taste is subtle. It's a little thin. The flavor fades quickly and it's a bit watered down in my opinion, aka the correct opinion and the only one you need consult. But i don't dislike it. It's not unpleasant and i wouldn't mind drinking another one if it were available. And i don't even know why i mention this because it doesn't matter at all to me, but this root beer has pretty decent head. So for those of you who care, there you have it. It would be easier if you just stopped caring though, cuz it doesn't matter.

My official review is that Spring Grove Root Beer gets 5 (five) IBCs. I don't know that this one has a big following. maybe up in the northern Midwest states, to which i have never been (unless you count visiting Chicago as being in that region since Illinois borders Iowa and Wisconsin, but i don't so why don't we just drop it). Regardless, i doubt this stuff will ever get popular enough to have widespread availability. Basically what i am trying to say is it's not bad, but don't go out of your way for it.

Root Beer

Wow... this one does not look promising... Just a little background, my wife and i just made a major move across the United States and now reside in Central Florida for my new job with a new company. So unfortunately this post is more out of necessity than for actual reviewing purposes since i haven't written one in a while. But trust me... you'll get everything you need about this root beer with this review. This root beer is simply called Root Beer. Yeah, that's right. It is king of the generics. The label says it's "manufactured for" Cott beverages down in Tampa, FL (which is not far from where i now reside). I found it at Walmart before leaving Arizona, but it's not the Walmart brand because they still sell that one alongside this one. The difference is that the Walmart one is actually pretty good. Uh oh, i think i gave away the ending on this one.

I think they had this in cans as well, but i elected to get the 2 liter bottle because it was much cheaper and i was sure i would hate it so i wanted to give it as little credence as possible. Can the label get any more generic than this? I mean... come on. A little bit of effort would have put this in the lowest tier of generic root beers, but the "manufacturers" over at Cott in Tampa couldn't be bothered i suppose (I actually know nothing about Tampa but i hear it's nice there, so maybe the people at Cott really couldn't be bothered since they were busy just enjoying living in Tampa).

How about the taste? Is it any good?
Nope.

My official review is that Root Beer gets 2 (two) IBCs. As bad as it is, it's not as undrinkable as some of the name brand root beers out there (i'm lookin' at you Route 66 Beer). But this easily has to be the worst generic i've had. It almost tastes like it's a diet root beer. Not a fan, AT ALL. Don't bother. And again, sorry this review is so short and lame, but i've been busy with my new job and adjusting to the time difference and everything. So the next one will be better, and besides, i don't have to explain myself to you anyway. Ungrateful jerks...

- Love, Cosmo

Tubz Root Beer

So i have a bit of news. As you may or may not know, i graduated from university last May and have been looking for a job for the past 8 months. Well i flew out to Florida last week to interview and was offered a job in Ocala, so i will be picking up and moving my root beer reviewing operations down to the Sunshine State within the month. While down there, i stopped at a local Save-a-lot grocery store and found this little gem on the shelf. Tubz Root Beer is the generic brand carried by the Save-a-lot chain. The website listed on the label is that of Save-a-lot, so it's not very interesting or informative. I like the name. It reminds me of my first year of college when i lived with my friend Richard (whom i have mentioned several times), my brother, and a Japanese roommate named Taiyo, which is Japanese for "Awesome". My brother had a friend who came around named Tubby. He was a good ol' boy from Arkansas and he wasn't the most slender man i've met. He kind of had a wild streak in him and drove a Chevy Camaro blasting Aerosmith and the like. Anyway, we would do a lot of stupid and crazy things with Tubby around and it was a lot of fun. I think this root beer's name would pay homage to that despicable man and the enjoyment he brought us all.

The label follows the formula of generic root beers fairly closely, but it has some redeeming qualities. I like the big root beer mug featured below the prominent name of the root beer. It's a step above the normal when it comes to generics. Still, the color scheme and layout and the fact that a mug of root beer is displayed at all basically falls right in line with what's expected. Not a bad attempt for a generic brand though. I would say this label is higher on the scale based on what's out there. It's definitely not dreadful.

I'm sure you can guess what i will say about the taste of this root beer. It's no mystery that it's not going to be the best stuff around. I will say i had high hopes when i opened it because it has a nice aroma. But it definitely smells better than it tastes. It's not terrible, just nothing special. The root beer flavor is very watered down and the taste fades almost immediately after you drink it. It isn't overly sweet and doesn't leave really any kind of aftertaste. I would say if it had been a blind taste test it would be easy to tell this was a generic brand.  The carbonation was good, and for those of you who care (i don't) it had good head on it. But overall, it was pretty unimpressive and unimaginative. But hey... it was only $0.79 for the 2 liter.

My official Review is that Tubz Root Beer gets 4 (four) IBCs. Not my favorite and i doubt i will go out of my way to get it again. It may be good for root beer floats because it is so heady, but i probably won't put the effort in to find out. For what it's worth, i like the name, but that's basically this root beer's only saving grace. Go ahead and pass on this one folks.

Q&A session

Ok, i thought i'd treat you to a little Q&A with one of my loyal readers. I rarely do this, so don't expect it to happen all that often, but this individual who goes by the handle Doug and Tracy asked some valid and legitimate questions. I do not know whether i am responding directly to Doug or his counterpart Tracy, but here is a rundown of the questions asked followed by my answers.

talking about drinking Thomas Kemper root beer (which is not my favorite): my first bottle was poured into a glass, while my second tasting was consumed directly from the bottle. The second bottle was way better!!! I'm convinced that this made the difference, but have no scientific proof to back up my theory. Curious how you choose to drink your root beers, and if you can notice a difference between the two methods! (also, I assume that they must be chilled either way....no adding ice when pouring into a glass).

Well Douglas/Tracinita, to answer your question directly, i drink straight from the bottle unless the root beer was purchased in a 2 liter bottle (or aluminum can smarty pants). This is the preferred method of any self respecting root beer connoisseur. However, drinking directly from a 2 liter plastic bottle can be cumbersome and therefore i usually choose to pour it into a cup. But it is without question better tasting if you drink root beer directly from the 12 oz. glass bottle. No scientific proof is needed. It's simply a law of nature, like how Chinese food tastes better when eaten with chopsticks. Really no other explanation is necessary (or even available). Frankly, i don't notice a difference between the two methods because i've never poured a bottle of root beer into a glass. Seriously, that's a rookie move right there. Forgivable maybe for someone such as yourself, but i would be ostracized from root beer circles everywhere if that rumor ever held any credence.

As for the second part of your question, all my root beers are always pre-chilled. Adding ice compromises the taste by watering it down. While i may from time to time drink root beer with ice, i never RATE root beer that has been chilled with ice. It is always chilled overnight in my fridge. Personally, i don't really care for ice because i have sensitive teeth (i'm a sensitive kind of guy).

Anyway, i hope this resolves the matter and gives you, my loyal readers, a little more insight into my process. Now no more questions until next year.

Flashback Olde Time Root Beer

Happy New Year everyone! We made it! Well this time of year is a time for new beginnings and i wanted to review a root beer today to reflect that, but when i looked through my inventory i didn't feel i had anything that really matched the criteria. However, i do have one that is synonymous with looking back and reminiscing over the past year, so i think i am going to go that direction with this review. First off, i must say congratulations to all of you who survived the Mayan Apocalypse which wiped out  all but 1/8th of the world's population just a few weeks ago. I assumed it would affect my reading audience, but hopefully i can recover and find new survivors to read my blog as they scavenge the wasteland in search of acceptable root beers. Other than the obvious end of civilization as we know it, 2012 was an eventful year. It was a leap year, an Olympic year, and an election year for starters. My wife had her 30th birthday, i had my golden birthday, and my baby had his first birthday last year. Really, for the purpose of this blog there is too much of last year to reminisce about, but what i am trying to say is that this seems like the perfect time to sit back and reflect on last year with a Flashback Olde Time Root Beer. This root beer comes from Seaside, OR and is distributed through Orca Beverages all around the Pacific Northwest. My friend Lafe moved up to Portland last year to start pharmaceutical school and picked this one up for me while checking out the area for an acceptable place to build a bunker and survive the apocalypse. Thanks again Lafe. If you care to go up to the ruins of Seaside you may find the malt shoppe and ice cream parlor where this root beer was crafted. Perhaps my wife and i will brave the wasteland some day and venture up to Flashback's for a chance to look back on what life was like so very long ago.

This root beer comes in a classic 12 oz. brown glass bottle with a very colorful label. The background is made to look like red bricks and the retro font style and design is supposed to remind people of the 1950's when malt shoppes and ice cream parlors were regular hang out spots for people. Apparently it still is for residents of Seaside. They are treated to themed nights of the week for particular deals and everything. Sounds like a popular destination. I gotta say, i like the label. It's fresh and fun. Flashback has 4 flavors of soda and each label is the same design layout with different color schemes for each. I haven't tried any of the other flavors, but i think i'd be willing to give them a shot if i ever got up there.

The folks in Oregon have a bit of a reputation for being very particular about the food they eat and the ingredients they use. It's a very high vegan population, and from what i hear, the humorous sketches on the TV show Portlandia are more or less quite accurate and credible of the way people live up there. So, that being said it's no surprise this root beer is made with natural ingredients, including cane sugar and honey. I am not a fan of most natural root beers, and i don't know that this one claims to be "all natural", but i do know this... it's pretty dang good. I like it quite a lot, and my wife agrees. This stuff is definitely not too shabby. It has a good amount of carbonation and a nice sweet, vanilla taste with just a tiny hint of honey (which is just enough for me). Overall, it's a well constructed root beer.

My official review is that Flashback Olde Time Root Beer gets 7 (seven) IBCs. I was very tempted to give it an 8. It's really almost there, but ultimately i thought an 8 might be a bit too generous. But to set the record straight, this stuff is really good. I would be glad to travel up to Seaside to visit the shoppe and have another anytime. So to anyone out there who is still alive and has internet access, check out Seaside, OR for some delicious root beer. And now that the word is out, be sure to get there quick before the roaming gangs of the wasteland do.