Super Chill Root Beer

Ugh... i've been in Chicago for the weekend for a wedding (congrats Tyler and Lauren) and just got back this morning. We caught an early flight and i don't sleep well on airplanes, so i am cranky and moody right now. My lovely wife says i am acting like i am menstruating, but i assure you that isn't possible seeing that i am all man. Anyway, i made it a point to go to a grocery store to find some local root beers. I was lucky in that i found one that i have not already reviewed, but unlucky in that it was out of stock. But now that i know it's out there, i am making preparations to obtain a sample. On the up side, the trip to the store wasn't a complete waste because i found this "gem" (p.s. quotation marks in this case suggest that i am being sarcastic). It's the store brand (i assume) for a grocery chain called Jewel Osco, or if you had the same first impression as me, a strung out hippie folk singer with crooked teeth working in a pharmacy. It's actually a pretty nice and clean store though, and there are several of them in the downtown Chicago area (which i was surprised to find to be a very clean and fun city). So just like any chain grocer, this store puts out its own store brand version of several flavors of soda. That being the case, i didn't have very high expectations going in.

I picked this stuff up in a 2 liter bottle, although it is also available in cans. The label has a modern advertising style to it, silver and brown colors with a kind of space age/computerized font. Personally, i think the name needs some work. Just sounds sloppy and dumb, but these guys are just out to make money by low balling the root beer market, not wow and impress anyone. Well guess what... mission accomplished.

This stuff is less than average in every way possible. Like i said, i don't know what i was expecting, because it's not meant to be a big seller. But to better paint the picture for you, i was drinking this stuff from a Styrofoam cup in line at the airport while i was waiting to go through the security checkpoint since i couldn't take it on the plane thanks to the new regulations for liquids and gels in quantities greater than 3 oz. It was warm, and i got down about a half a liter before i had to throw the whole thing away and make my way through the security checkpoint. These are not my ideal reviewing conditions, but sometimes i just gotta make do and suffer for my craft. It's hard to be gifted. Anyway, i will say that Super Chill has a very nice aroma, almost like that of A&W, so i was hoping for the best. But other than that, it was pretty disappointing. The standard root beer flavoring was fairly sweet and sugary and it came on quite strong and faded quickly. In the end, i was just chugging carbonated sugar in an airport security line.

My official review is that Super Chill gets 3 (three) IBCs. To be completely fair, i didn't really do due diligence in my research efforts for this root beer. I picked it up, barely drank it, and discarded it so i didn't miss my flight. But to be completely honest, i don't feel that i need to. Had it been good, i would have put more effort into it. But when you get to bed at 12:30 AM and have to wake up at 3:00 in order to catch a flight at 5:00, you do what you can to make it all work. In this case, a bad root beer made my job easy. So thanks Super Chill, i guess. Anyway, Chicago is a lovely city. If you end up visiting, go see the big silver bean and eat at Lou Malanati's, but don't bother hitting up the local Jewel Osco for some Super Chill.

Brick Oven Old Fashioned Root Beer

Throughout my years as a root beer expert, i have made many associations around the country, and inevitably when i travel to Utah i am asked if i have reviewed the root beer made at and by the Brick Oven Pizza Restaurant in Provo. This restaurant has been part of Provo for the better part of the last century, or to be specific, since 1956. Back then it was known as Heaps of Pizza, but although the food is good, a "heap" of anything doesn't sound very delicious. Good call on the name change. The restaurant has a root beer factory in the basement where they have brewed their own root beer since the restaurant opened. Dinner guests can order it in a frosted mug, and according to the website, it is served free after 5:00 PM on Mondays with the purchase of a pizza. It has quite a reputation around the Utah Valley and people seem to really appreciate it up there. Plus, it is right next to the BYU campus, and the BYU mascot is named Cosmo the Cougar. It's fate that i review this root beer. So i made it a point to go back to the Brick Oven specifically to review the root beer when i last made a trip up to Utah. Unfortunately, i did not go on a Monday night, and when i went they weren't serving any from the tap in a frosty mug. Strike one. However, I was able to secure a couple of these 2 liter bottles.

This festive 2 liter bottle carries the restaurant logo and some basic information about the history of the place. It's eye catching and tasteful i suppose, but i felt like i didn't get the real experience of the root beer. I think anyone in their right mind would prefer the frosty mug to the 2 liter bottle shown here. But even with that in mind i tried not to hold it against the restaurant. Maybe it's so popular that they just simply ran out of root beer? Or maybe the factory workers had the day off and weren't brewing any root beer today? Who knows, but the real disappointment of the bottle was when i opened it. No carbonation escaping the now broken seal, no fizzy bubbles rising to the top. This root beer was flat. Strike two.

My fellow restaurant patrons and I poured the root beer over some ice (the fact that it was warm was not weighed against the root beer, it was merely circumstance) and began to taste this highly praised, highly anticipated root beer. The general consensus? Mediocre at best. I've already mentioned that it was flat (which the second bottle turned out to be as well), but other than that there was no wow, no kick, no spark of creativity in the flavor that would make me rave and rant and perpetuate the sterling reputation this thing already carries. To sum up the experience, i drank a less than average root beer. Strike three. I realize i'm being a bit harsh, and maybe i shouldn't be, but this stuff didn't live up to what everyone said about it. It simply tastes like root beer extract and sugar. It's not terrible, and aside from being completely flat, i didn't want to spit it out. But i also wasn't bowled over by it, and there are lots of other better choices, even in Utah Valley.

My official review is that Brick Oven Root Beer gets 4 (four) IBCs. The food at the restaurant was quite good and moderately priced, but the root beer doesn't live up to the hype. It's a shame too. I really wanted to like it. I even made a root beer float with it later when i got home (which you can order off the menu at the restaurant) and it was still unimpressive. [I hope that helps you Shasta.] So if you find yourself up in the Provo area, do yourself a favor and make the trip up to Hires Big H in Salt Lake. You can get a frosty mug of Hires with your meal, and i promise you that won't disappoint.

Frostie Vanilla Root Beer

I'm probably going to keep this post short. They have been running long recently, which i apologize for, and i am currently in summer school and inundated with homework at the moment. Besides, this is basically an extension of the previous review i did on Frostie Root Beer. Frostie has been around since about 1939 and is based in Temple, TX. The regular root beer is not too bad, but nothing particularly exciting. Most of what i have read about Frostie is that it isn't the same as it was back in the day. But anyway, they made another flavor of root beer which they've named Frostie Vanilla Root Beer, so obviously i had to try it.

The same Frostie label/bottle is used for the vanilla root beer, the only difference being the tan and creme colored back ground and the replacement of the mug of root beer with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream and a root beer float/sundae. Otherwise, we're dealing with the same cup of tea here (not that it contains tea; I'm not gonna fall for that again).

The name and color of this soda are a bit misleading, mainly because it should be cream colored and called cream soda. That's what this stuff is, Frostie Cream Soda. Now before we run into a big fiasco and start pointing the finger and assaulting my integrity (see last post on A&W Float for details), let me just say that 1) i am including this in my reviews because i can. So deal with it. And 2) there is nothing short of tasting this soda that would make me believe it was a cream soda. I mean, sure, i could read other reviews about it to see what other reviewers think, but starting this blog was based entirely on the fact that these other self appointed experts have no idea what they are talking about. Hence, i cannot trust them, and neither can you for that matter. So with that, i will just say, it's a good tasting cream soda. Lots of vanilla flavor and decent carbonation (which is important to me). It reminds me a lot of IBC Cream Soda, which is good and which i like, but it's not as good as IBC Root Beer. In fact, nothing is. Cream sodas are fine, but they lack the fascinating complexity of root beer, which is yet another reason i don't care to review them (on purpose).

My official review is that Frostie Vanilla Root Beer gets 5 (five) IBCs. It's not bad for not being a real root beer. I don't begrudge it at all, i just wish it wasn't afraid to say what it really is. There's nothing wrong with being a cream soda. I just don't want one of my daughters to date one. Know your place cream soda. That's all i'm saying.

A&W Float

This one is not hard to find. I picked it up at the Pop Shop because i only had to buy one of them, but these are sold at a lot of the grocery stores in 4 or 6-packs (not sure which). The A&W Float is a drink that is part of a new line that is coming out of "float flavors". Only two flavors currently exists, but from the looks of the site, more should be soon to follow. The idea is that these flavors are combined with ice cream into an old timey float that you can enjoy on the go. Check out the site for info on the Sunkist Float, which i think would be good because it's like an orange creamsicle, the most sensual of frozen ice cream treats (in my opinion, which is the right opinion). I have seen this... for the lack of a better term, "root beer product" for a while now, but have been hesitant to review it. I am trying to maintain a site dedicated to reviewing only root beers, although i have already reviewed several i don't know if i would classify as root beer. It's interesting though, the timing of this post, because i was just about to explain how i don't review anything other than root beers when i got a request from my extremely huge fan-base to review a sarsaparilla. First of all, i don't usually interact with my fan-base. I prefer to be the all knowing, unseen genius in your eyes who chooses to disassociate myself from all of you because i am so much better than you (no offense, but it's true). So while i do appreciate comments and requests of this nature that show your loyalty, please don't expect responses to them. After all, i'm a busy guy. But as i said, that is interesting that this request should come at this time because i was just about to explain with this post how i went back and forth with this product for several months because i didn't know if it was technically a root beer. I finally decided to let it slide through because these decisions are at my discretion, and i like to treat my root beers like i am a bouncer at a club. If you're pretty enough or you slip me a few bucks under the table, i might just let you join the party. But on that note, i'm just gonna lay it down for all of you so you can know what to expect. I review root beers. Although they are close in nature, i do not review sarsaparillas, cream sodas, or diet root beers. I just want to keep the integrity of the blog, and anything that makes it onto this site has been highly scrutinized by me and found worthy to be reviewed, because to be completely honest, i don't get paid to do this (yet). I just don't want my amazing talent and fantastic discerning powers to go to waste is all. So i'm sorry, but i only do root beers. Does that make me a bad person? I mean, it's not like i blew up Megaton City or anything, and it's not that i don't like sarsaparillas and cream sodas, because i do. I just don't review them is all. I would direct anyone who's interested in sarsaparillas or creme sodas, or even diet root beers, to the Pop Shop. They have a very large selection.

This is kind of a funky bottle. It has a curvy and sensual bottle shape ("stop saying sensual"). The difference in shape only makes it an 11.5 oz. bottle instead of the typical 12 oz. The label is very fancy and colorful. I think they are trying for the old 50's style writing and advertising to give it an old fountain shop look. Lots of browns and tans, cream colors, etc. The A&W label is prominently displayed on what appears to be a sign you would see outside an old diner on the side of the road. This label definitely catches the eye, and i am sure most of you have seen this in grocery stores before because it almost jumps out at you.

I'll be honest... i don't really like this stuff. It's not bad, but it doesn't really taste like root beer at all. All i can taste is a pina colada. Weird, i know. And it's sweet. In fact, it's too sweet. Plus it is completely uncarbonated. It's almost like drinking a pina colada Sobe. There is a lot of text on the bottle, mostly the nutritional facts. There is a lot that goes into this thing, and it's not surprising that it only has a shelf life of 6 months. In other words, this is basically a step away from the "all natural" selection of root beers i just reviewed. Not sure what is in it that makes me think it's a pina colada, which is fine cuz i like pina coladas, just not in my root beer. Maybe it's the cream they use. Hmmm...

My official review is that A&W Float gets 4 (four) IBCs. It's not at all what i expected, and i am kind of disappointed that i let it slide through to be classified as a "root beer". Technically, i think it would probably be more of a cream soda, which is what held me back from reviewing it in the first place. The girl at the register of the Pop Shop said she really likes the Sunkist Float a lot better than this one. So maybe i would suggest you get your hands on one of those instead, or even better, on an ice-cold, delicious, never disappointing IBC.

Addendum: *sigh*... i hate that i even have to try and defend myself on this seeing as i assumed it was amply explained in the body of the post, but i have recently come under fire regarding my decisions about what to classify as a root beer. Here is a quick list of guidelines i follow when choosing root beers to review:

1) It's my blog and i'm a freaking expert. That's why you come to my blog.

i told you it was a quick list.

Here's what you need to know... i review root beers. If it's on my blog, i have classified it as a root beer. The historical similarities between root beer and sarsaparilla? What, did you go to root beer college or something? You think my readers care about that kind of trivial nonsense when they're just looking for a decent root beer? Really? These people are sheep, and i am merely the shepherd directing them toward great taste and away from anything made by a hippie.

Look, i can see how this can get very lengthy. All i will say is that after months of deliberation i decided to let this one slide through because it carries the A&W name and those who drink it are made to believe it is made with A&W root beer (see floats.com). We all know there are many ways to flavor a root beer (including using sarsaparilla), but if you call it a sarsaparilla, then to me it's not a root beer anymore (i have a pie chart that proves it). If there were no difference between the two drinks, i wouldn't like AJ Stephen's Root Beer and hate AJ Stephen's Sarsaparilla. And anyone who names their soda Hosmer Mountain Sarsaparilla Root Beer is clearly retarded. Stop trying to confuse people. Just pick one. (But just so you know, i would probably still review it).

And for the record, my name is Jonathan.

Dr. Tima Honey Root Beer

I don't know how many people will be familiar with this stuff, but here is another root beer i picked up at Whole Foods. Dr. Tima Honey Soda comes in four flavors, including root beer. The company operates out of Beverly Hills, CA and has been around since 1973. Apparently this soda doesn't have a full operational website yet, but this "starter site" has been provided to get the very basics out of the way. I keep wanting to call it Dr. Tima's, but all the research i do on the label and the internet suggests the 's is not proper, at least in formal settings. Really, there's quite little about Dr. Tima himself. The source of all knowledge has no personal information about the man (or woman, let's not be biased here) and really the only solid info i can get from the label leaves me with countless more questions. Who is Dr. Tima? What is his field of medicine? How long has he been practicing? Should i just take it at face value and not assume Dr. Tima is an actual person/medical doctor, not unlike Dr. Pepper? Here is the info that forms my very compelling thesis:
1) Dr. Tima speaks to those who drink his soda in first person, suggesting that he is indeed a real person. And i think he might be Jewish since this stuff is Kosher.
2) Dr. Tima explicitly states that he has been "prescribing" all natural honey soda since 1973. The use of the word prescribing leads me to believe that he is a practicing medical doctor, but i can't for the life of me think of a doctor that would prescribe an all natural honey soda for any affliction, let alone a blanket sweep of every affliction as the statement suggests.
3) Really the only field of medicine i can settle a reasonable guess on would be nutrition. However, if Dr. Tima is a Nutritionist, he's not a very good one because he states clear as day on his label that you should drink all natural honey soda everyday. Now... i'm all for having a cold bottle of great root beer everyday, but i never claim that it's good for you (unless it's IBC). This all natural soda sweetened with honey instead of processed sugar may be better for you than normal soda, but i wouldn't go as far as to say it's fortified with essential vitamins and minerals or anything.
So my profile so far depicts Dr. Tima as a Jewish Nutritional Doctor living in Beverly Hills, CA and absolutely crazy about honey. I mean, this guy is in love with it. Anyway, i know this is getting long, but i feel it's important to know what we're dealing with here.

The soda comes in a typical 12 oz. clear glass bottle. The background of the label is a honeycomb pattern and there are several references to bees; a small picture of a bee, the tagline "A Bee in Every Bottle" below the brand name, and my personal favorite, the extremely cheesy promo statement with the line, "it's healthy and bee-licious!" It's kind of a busy label. There is a lot going on, but i'll give the good doctor some credit in that it's pretty fresh and professional looking. Looks like Dr. Tima's Jewish clientele can help him afford some decent advertising digs.

Since it's an all natural soda, it has no artificial flavors or colors. It uses all natural ingredients. Most of the time, that tells me that the soda is gonna be gross. But this stuff isn't too bad. Instead of cane sugar or processed sugar, the soda is sweetened with honey. I knew a lady who used to make cookies and ice cream and everything sweet using honey instead of sugar. It gave it a different taste, but it wasn't necessarily bad. But, as expected, everything had the hint of honey in it, which is the case with this root beer. However, the root beer itself has a somewhat complex taste to it. There is a nice creamy, smooth vanilla taste to start with, followed by some basic root beer flavoring, and followed up with honey. And even though i don't love honey, it's not terrible.

My official review is that Dr. Tima Honey Root Beer gets 6 (six) IBCs. I don't love it, but i think it deserves a little more than a middle of the road score. I will say this though, this is a sipping root beer. It's not a chugging root beer, because with volume, the honey taste comes out exponentially until it just tastes like drinking straight honey. So just slow it down and enjoy it, that is, if you choose to shell out the $5+ for a four-pack. It ain't cheap, which i supposed is understandable. I mean, come on. ... the guy's a doctor.

**side note** i actually went and visited the Pop Shop today to look for new root beers and i saw they had a shipment of Dr. Tima in. So if you'd like to try it, i think this is your best option since you can buy individual bottles. You're welcome.

Death Valley Root Beer

The name of this root beer is initially pretty awesome, but further investigation shows that it's more based on geography that being hardcore. Anyway, Death Valley Root Beer is brewed by Indian Wells Brewing Co., which is primarily focused on brewing beers. There are however 4 flavors of soda under the Death Valley brand, root beer being one of them. Death Valley is of course part of the high desert of California near the Nevada border. The brewery however is not located in the township of Death Valley, but closer to the Bakersfield area in Inyokern, CA. Not sure how much of a draw the Death Valley region of California is, but for a name like that i expect the roads to be lined with skulls. Otherwise, you're just wasting my time.

It's clear from the label that they are going for the old west theme. I assume the old west era is intrinsically tied to Death Valley, seeing as if someone were to name that part of California these days, it would be something like Make Sure You're Hydrated Valley, which is kind of disappointing. I mean, i don't want to die if i were to go to Death Valley, but i at least want to be in danger of dying. Anyway, back to the root beer. It comes in a clear 12 oz. glass bottle and the label is made to look like a wanted sign from the old west, like this root beer is an outlaw and you're just the vigilante to track it down, rip it's top off, and drink it's insides (a traditional old western execution, i assure you). There is a picture of a stage coach being pulled by horses, not unlike the Wells Fargo logo. The rest of the label is just filled with the typical information root beers list on their labels, including a notice that there is a cash refund in California for recycling the bottle (for you thrifty hippies out there).

But getting down to brass tacks, it's really just a kinda regular old root beer. It has a fairly prominent black licorice flavor, very little carbonation (boo), and it's made with cane sugar. Other than that, it's kind of a regular old run of the mill root beer. Tastes like root beer extract with a little extra on the anise. It's by no means terrible, but has a long way to go if it wants to compete in the big leagues.

My official review is that Death Valley gets 4 (four) IBCs. I was turned off by the black licorice flavor and lack of carbonation. Otherwise i might have given it a 5. Again, if black licorice is your thing, then i say go for it. It's not overpowering or anything, but it's enough to notice and that's what counts. And for those of you who listen to my every word and whim, don't bother with this stuff. It's faily expensive to boot at about $5 for a four-pack, and you're just going to be disappointed.

Blue Sky Root Beer Encore

So i just reviewed a Blue Sky root beer, and i am sure some of you are confused. Let me just do a blanket sweep of the formalities and say that Blue Sky Sodas is a Santa Fe, NM based company that started in 1980 and recently moved operations to Southern California. They specialize in making "all natural" sodas. Nothing you didn't already know, right? Well this might be a little different than what you're used to (it certainly was for me). In addition to making "all natural" sodas, Blue Sky makes a line of "organic" sodas. Hence, Blue Sky Root Beer Encore. The difference? On appearances alone most would say nothing, and indeed it seems like this is kinda redundant. But according to the Blue Sky website, the "natural sodas" don't have any artificial ingredients in them, and the "organic sodas" contain organic ingredients? I can't quite make the distinction myself, and if there is a difference in the ingredients, it is quite subtle. I debated a long time in the store as to categorizing this as a diet soda or not. All the evidence points to the fact that this is the diet version of the Blue Sky Creamy Root Beer. But after categorizing what makes a soda "diet" (i.e. an artificial sweetener in place of sugar or high fructose corn syrup) and seeing clearly on the label below the brand name "sweetened with organic cane sugar", i made the professional judgement that this is simply another stab at soda from a company that likes to use organic ingredients. It's not uncommon for root beer companies to make more than one recipe of root beer. So i gave Blue Sky the benefit of the doubt.

The label is basically the same as the cans of the "natural sodas" with two major distinctive differences; 1) the color scheme is a white background, and 2) in big text above the brand name is the Certified Organic Soda seal, proving that this concoction did indeed come directly from Mother Nature. No one is allow to dispute this fact. It's a scientific fact, like gravity and white trash.

But here is where i get down on Blue Sky. Since you're all diligent blog followers, i'm sure you've all read the semi-glowing endorsement i gave Blue Sky for making a decent tasting "natural" root beer. But if their natural root beer is considered an acceptable and generally likable member of the root beer family, then their organic root beer is like the creepy uncle you don't trust around your kids. In other words, Root Beer Encore is bad. The name itself is unfortunate, as it indicates an applause filled clamor for more. But this stuff is just plain gross. Strike one, no (zero) carbonation. What's the point in calling it a soda if it doesn't have carbonation? Just cut to the chase and call it a juice. Strike two, it tastes terrible. The only semblance of root beer i can taste in it is the anise (black licorice) flavoring, which i am already not a huge fan of. I can't taste anything remotely close to organic cane sugar in it. It has the same rotten fruit taste Route 66 root beer has. Strike three, the aftertaste in my mouth could make the Holocaust look like summer camp. It's seriously a huge disservice to the human race. Have some mouthwash handy cuz you're breath is gonna be heinous for the next six to eight hours. In fact, you'd probably be better off just drinking the mouthwash instead of this garbage.

My official review is that Blue Sky Root Beer Encore get 1 (one) IBC. This root beer (if you dare call it that) lies somewhere on the scale between "i hate it" and "i'd rather kill and eat my entire family". To boot, this stuff is expensive. The only good thing i can say to Blue Sky for this is thanks for reminding me why i hate hippies so much (as if i would have forgotten any time soon).